still worth writting

Happy eating day

2011-07-03T08:19:00.001-07:00

Finally & finally I begin my very first scrumptious meal after stupid pox. Here we go lunch in chilis, midvalley. I seriously feel so good after start eating plus the environment and great services they provided kick start my wonderful Saturday. Of course, how could we miss our all time favourite chatime after scrumptious lunch ? Here we go to satisfied our needs, my choice green tea red bean. Giggles * I'm officially pass in resisting the temptation of mega sales, so now i'm in safe zone. Seriously, It would feel good at all. All the brandy stuff freaking cheap now, unfortunately i couldn't get all of em. I need to save for exciting months with full of events August :)) So then, i need to resist the temptation. Only spent few hours to lunch at the mall, we then headed home to continue our studies. How i wish i could do anything w/hout worrying tons of incomplete tasks which stack on my heart till i barely can breath. Sigh*

My choice of the day

This became my all time favourite in chilis, Spicy Honey Chicken ! Two thumbs up for that

Have not been taking many pictures when I'm infected with pox. The ugly face with ugliest pox , you know. No longer afraid of taking pictures since my face's condition is getting better than before.

This became a piece of art, coincidentally :)

Not being able to focus,

Have not enough strange to move on,

Forgot my aims & goals,

Feeling so lifeless,

Feeling so weak,

Feeling so empty and hardly breath,

Easily get anooyed,

Hot tempered

& etc.

________________________________________________________________

My symptoms of stress. Currently, i had it all. I'm feeling the stress from all the incomplete task. Where's my strong self motivation goes? determination i used to have & anytime, anywhere study mood ? I lost em all. My schedule drives me crazy, I don'y even have time to go home & catch up with my friends :(

Just for this week, I have

●1 extremely confusing lab report to do

●2 assignments which haven't start any discussion yet

● 1 must score midterm

●Meeting for friendly match

●Sport division meeting

●Addition time scholarship duty

●Food trial

●Food fair discussion

●Food trial feedback

●Brain mapping course.

●2 training sessions to attend.

I'm freaking stress out with all these. I'm continuously tortured by those incomplete task. After this week, here come the next stressful week with different tasks. I'm drowning !

Long sleepless night

2011-06-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

Insomnia , just by the word can drive me crazy like a nut and making my energy level collapse to the ground. I'm suffering from serious one ever since i had chicken pox. Counting sheep, reading the nerdy notes it doesn't work on me at all. nothing else i could do and ended up lying on the bed from 5 hours till the sunrise then i begin to fall asleep like a poor baby. It happens at least 2 - 3 times a week , i'm seriously living in hell place. Totally exhausted, no other or better word could be used to describe the situation my body is facing.

Every pump of heart getting weak , every inhalation getting swallow but the nervous systems in my brain working hard in transmitting messages like a bee. Damn it, you could rather just kill me than letting me hanging in this horrible situation. I'm feeling scare yet worried when the sky turning dark , worrying I again stayed up till beautiful sunrise. I'm different when talking about sleeping, don love it but not hate it. Every night getting on the bed, the first thought come across my mind is what I gonna do the next morning and hoping yet excite about the next day. Rescue me :( I'm currently typing with half asleep and half opened eye condition ,with extremely awake brain.

Till then, with another sleepless night ,
Fennie

Oh hello

2011-06-27T04:07:00.000-07:00

Life was good so far. Busy with exam and food fair which freaking stress me out after super long chicken pox holidays. Missed two weeks class so then struggling to catch up now, anyway it's still good. Chicken pox had treating me well , and i lost 2kg with my healthy diet for weeks . Gonna hunt for scrumptious meal when i'm free from the recovering week which i cannot wait for :) Gonna list all of em out . Giggles * Gah! i seriously out of topic to write as i'm to lazy to update each time.

When u're out of focus, It will remind u to stay focus !

Healthy all way out. Dinner of the day . It's Yum when comes to cauliflower/ broccoli :D
Going to be an unknown's make-up model for competition. Butterflies started to grow in my tummy. I have no experience in this particular field at all, i'm worry to disappointed her but i'm giving myself this opportunity to try. Where's my confident goes? Need more encouragement and go for crazy diet to get perfect outcome .

Till then,
Fennie

17 June

2011-06-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'M FREAKING EMO!
What the hell ! what the hell ! :'(

Any shoulder to cry on ? please come forward to me .

To you, the bear

2011-06-14T02:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for my high demand for being pampered and spoiled from you. I admit i'm too greedy and want to be a happiest girl ever. but seriously, who don't?

I know, relationship cannot be compare . I apologized for my demanding , for my jealousy towards other couples. I didn't want to comment anything nor complain too much as I'm not the best one either. We know everybody isn't born to be perfect, but life lessons & environmental factors will train us to better and outstanding each day. But I promise, I would do my best in everything in my life including in our relationship to make it better, make it colourful . It's all because you're my choice, you're the colour of my life.

Please accept my apology, I do not have the intention to make you feel like you're the worse bf ever. To me, you ain't that bad :) at least, you're a 101% loyal and honest one . It's my pleasure , bear ! I should be stop complaining i'm not being treated like a princess / being pampered like mummy's youngest daughter . Maybe you have done enough. & maybe you're a little special to deliver your love from different ways.

When comes to eternity. Remember, i told you before i don't believe it. To be truthful, i do believe the exist of love to eternity. But saying that you love a person to eternity is like a promise to the person you love. I'm tired of empty promises, and I don not dare give a promise that could only be imagined yet not sure whether it would comes true. Being with each other , isn't talking about I love you forever, but cherish the moment being with each other each day , be truthful, be lovely and share everything single thing about life include happiness.

I do not wish accumulation of not so serious problems might influence us in the future. Don't look over unsolve small matters. It could be a evil weapon that hurt us when it accumulates to a big matter. So lets speak it out all the small or big problems & we solve it together :')
Instead of thinking about you or me have not done enough for our relationship? Hmm. I should better spend my time thinking and be thankful to god for meeting you in 7 billions of population :) and yet very SUPRISELY, we are penangite ! Giggles* also rather spending my time on how to live happy ever after with you .

xoxo,
Fennie

confused scene.

2011-06-10T01:24:00.000-07:00

Scene #1 :

Unknown:Heavy? Do you wan me to give you a hand?

Friend 1 : Weeyy! Help her take la faster. She's sick already.

Friend 2: Come I take. Where can let girls carry stuff?

Scene #2:

Unknown: Walk further down abit , very troublesome to go in and out.

Friend 1: Nvm la, no need walk so far, i pick you from inside.

Scene #3:

Unknown: Can you borrow something from you? Bring to me.

Friend 1: I come get it from you at your house.

Scene #4

Subject: Aww! This is pretty!
Unknown: Remain silence.

Friend 1 : How much? i buy for you lar.

Scene #5

Subject: Sigghh! Don't know how i gonna celebrate one and only 21st.

Unknown: Remain silence.

Friend 1: No worry la, if you're here we confirm celebrate together with you.

Friend 2: Sure happening wan! I'm planing to buy this and that for you as I promised.

Scene #6

Subject: Sick

Unknown: Faster go back.

Friend 1: Please allow me to company you back. With my company you're be more comfortable and safer. Somemore got ppl help you to carry stuff.

Friend 2: Take care kayy.

Scene #7

Subject : Sick 2

Unknown: Lets go out and eat !

Friend 1: Don go out! You're not allow to get sun and rain. Must care of your own diet.

Thank you.

2011-06-10T00:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your caring towards me.

I admitted I tend to ignore all the goods and care from you.

I shouted you to stop, I treat it as an annoyed , I began evil and mad at you,
but you never know ,

deep inside my heart I cherished everything you have done.
Let go things that are not worth to remember,
mistake can be learnt, learning from the mistake and never repeat it,
is the best gift that I could ask from you.
It has been years, you have done everything you can be done.
Forgiveness from me was given to you long time ago.
Thanks for
always be the first and be ahead of me , to make things that i desire to come true.
Thanks for always there for me when i'm in trouble situation.
Somewhat,
do you know

Your daring, your caring had brought me to worsen my feeling sometimes?

People that should be treating me well , suprisely turned into another way round.
I'm sometimes being treated like a princess by friends & you but not people that i wish to.

I felt worse, I felt anooyed, I feel angry ,I felt heartache !

xoxo,
Fennie

Lomography

2011-06-10T00:25:00.000-07:00

When was your last time riding on merry go round by putting on innocent smile on your face? Happy moments always seem to be short and blur.

Lens from Diana. Just the name can tell u, it could produce beautiful pictures.

The abandoned beauty. People tends to ignore the beauty within it, until you see it in a photo.

You never realise how are you living in your daily life.

Try to see your own life from different point of view,

it would change your perception of life :)

I do not have the great skill in photography, somehow i believe it sometimes need not the best skill to capture down the beautiful moment but how your heart accepts the way is it.

Things always happen for a reason;

I wish i could have all collections with different specifications of lomo camera,
to capture down every moments that i think it is worth to remember;

The best moment would not last forever,
but pictures would help to last the memories forever.

It has the ability to reminiscing.

XOXO,
Fennie

Booked & ready to go holiday :)

2011-06-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

Say hello to Bali :)

Here I come in August 21st which is the day after my 21st celebration :D but i totally got no idea how i gonna celebrate my one & only 21st, though many wish lists somehow it is not 100% come true all the time. Going travelling is one of my wishlist before 21st, thanks mom for that. giggles* Only 3 of us, young lady back packing together, my mom non stop mumbling and complaining how dangerous is it. I'm kinda worry, unfortunately we couldn't find for more guys to accompany Big sigh * How now? go with risk? All i hope it gonna be a great trip, safe , happy yet memorable even just 3 of us. Will do more research about it before depart to Bali . So then, now travelling has come true, it's somewhat a best motivation to slim down and fix on bikini *.^

I seriously miss party life like I used to have before I started my university. I miss the carefree & insane type of Fennie, who always enjoy to the maximum in every situation. Where on the earth are you? :( I can be playful & insane that you never thought i could be. In fact, i have changed. Ppl and BBF please, re-alive penang and lets rock on again ! XoXo, Fennie

Grounded!

2011-06-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

I got grounded man! Thanks to lil chicken pox at this old age. Back to my lil crib in pg, not even allow to step out from the house. Itchiness from the pox , boredom from emptiness have killing my ass off ! Save me please! Eat, online, sleep, watch movie , eat and sleep again that's the routine i gonna stick at for 1/ 2 weeks :( pretty torturing uh? No good food, no soy products, no egg , no chicken, so basically i could not consume any food from outside for a month.

Gah! i'm gonna starve when i'm back to uni, who would be so kind to cook for me? Something do amazed me was that, my dad able to cook an awesome meal even for patient . Blink blink * wahaha! so nice of him :) It's a best moment for me to lose weight, in fact it isn't a healthy way, but who cares? Everybody kept asking me to rest more and rest more, but wait, in order for me to rest more please stop those anooying ppl to from calling me! Phone ringing all the time searching for help for FPP proposal,FPP food labelling, MAPCU swimming com, Cv verification, lab reports and etc. I feel like switching my phone off and just throw it into the toilet bowl then finally i could disappear temporary from the hectic world.

My skin getting rough each day. The dirt layer getting thick as well and the most scariest part is the scars left by chicken pox! HELP!!! I could do nothing for the time being until i'm totally heal, no medicine apply and etc. Any home remedies good for those scars please do not mind to share with me :'( I suddenly feel , i'm not a good person to mess up with cause really i realise i don't give a shit damn thing when i'm being treated badly. I might do the same towards you. Life is realist. This sentences have been tattoo-ed in my mind ever since my parents divorce.

xoxo,
fennie

Food product

2011-05-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking my head crack how to improve our new beverage to an awesome one. Invent a new product is our food processing's assignment this semester. Food fair will be held in subang parade on middle june and we will sell our new food products to the public on the day itself. It is an fun and tough assignment. We have to come out with something special , which is newly in market.

Our group came out with the idea name mr and mrs potoato and soyameh. Potoato is a cake make of potato and the bottom layer is make up of biscuit and oats. This is how the name potoato formed from combination of potato and oats. white soyameh is a beverage, this beverage is a soya blended drink with mixture of berries and oats. Unfortunately, berries are too expensive, we need to consider about the cost so that we could sell at reasonable price. We then thinking to substitute berries with mango, again mango with soya sounds yummy but Ms Rachel said it's quite common as our senior did milk mango blended last semester, it did turned out to be awesome. Any suggestion to add into our beverage?

We have tried sesame with soya, it tasted good as well. Somewhat, it is common to me, i have confident we can make it better and special one :) For the potato cake we might give up and focus on to improve our beverage. Wish me luck to come out with a very special and uncommon product to the market .

Unifest 2011

2011-05-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

Hey guys there are many events coming up in UCSI this saturday , 21st May. One of it is Unifest 2011. One of the performers invited is mizz nina. This concert is free of charge! Just join the games in order to get the tickets :) I already have one , quick go grab it before it finishes ! On the same day, there's another event which is UCSI Carnival held in north wing. It's a huge event with exciting games and perfomances. They gave out free gifts and free foods :)

Happy Mother's day !

2011-05-18T03:57:00.000-07:00

Mother's day fall on the 8th of May , we couldn't celebrate on that day so then we celebrated a belated one this Sunday. Here we go to Kaffa restaurant in strait quay. First time visit that restaurant , food was okay but they served very slow as only one chef in the kitchen. Nice environment they have, besides that they provide free ipad 1 used for customer while waiting for the food to be serve. Overall of the restaurant was pretty good but not many varieties they have in their menu not really special and some of it was not available. For normal dine in and lunch , I will still visit it again but if for special occasion maybe i'll not choose kaffa. Not to forget, they served awesome chocolate lava cake there ! Made me want for more :) !

Pretty mom :) Getting pretty every time i see her.

Once again, Happy Mother's day to you! ( If you read this, i know sometimes you do read my blog ) Thanks for giving me everything the best you could, and i'm so sorry to bring you troubles all the time, i'm always a stubborn kid since young , your taught of life theory had trained me to become a better person in life. I remembered every lessons you taught me , i remember all the words that you wanted me to keep in my mind. Even though, I react like you're kind of annoyed sometimes, but deep inside my heart, you're the most lovely mom to me. Without you, I will not have the chance to live in this realist, challenging and at the same time beautiful world. I'm always ensure to make you proud of me in everything I do. Making you proud is always the motivation that keep me going all the time. Love you always !

Something borrowed

2011-05-18T00:48:00.000-07:00

I wanna watch this movie! Anyone? I have missed few movies that i wanted to watch in cinema, so not gonna miss any movie anymore :) Something borrowed is a movie about friendship and love. Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, she's a loyal and generous friend , sadly she's unhappy and still single. Her best friend who are going to engage is called Darcy (Kate Hudson) keep reminding Rachel that she's still single. One day, after drinking in 30th birthday party, Rachel found out to be on bed with a guy who Rachel had a crush before and happened to be Darcy fiancée. It then leads to complication in friendship between Darcy and Rachel. Click this lick to watch the trailer.

Have I told u lately?

2011-05-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

Click on the name to listen to the song. It is one of my favorite song that melts my heart every time i listen to it :)

Rod Stewart- Have i told you lately

Have I Told You Lalety that I love you?

Have I told you there's no one else above you?

Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

For the morning sun in all it's glory,

Meets the day with hope and comfort too,

You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better,

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

There's a love less defined,

And its yours and its mine,

Like the sun.

And at the end of the day,

We should give thanks and pray,

To The One, to The One.

Have I Told You Lately that I love you?

Have I told you there's no one else above you?

Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

There's a love less defined,

And its yours and its mine,

Like the sun.

And at the end of the day,

We should give thanks and pray,

To The One, to The One.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love you?

Have I told you there's no one else above you?

Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness,

Ease my troubles, that's waht you do.

Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

Take away all my sadness, fill my life with gladness,

Ease my troubles, that's what you do.

Medium hair length

2011-05-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

Have been googling for medium hair length's picture recently. I'm thinking to cut my hair to that length, somehow, i'm not brave enough and need more courage to do it. I'm so into medium hair length now. Unfortunately, to me it's not a good option for lazy person like me. It's hard to take care of it when it touches your shoulder especially when it starts to curl up. By that time, if you don't blow it nicely every time after you wash your hair, it would become untidy yet ugly ! Thats what i'm worry about, so still taking quite sometime to consider about it. Should i cut, or not?

This is so sexyy :) I don't have V-shape face like her, will chubby face looks good with medium hair length?

Fresh

2011-05-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

My internet in hostel broke down so i'm here in library to complete my Thursday due assignment. The main reason to be home this weekend is to celebrate belated mother's day in strait quay. I wanted blog about it , unfortunately all the pics are stuck in my phone. Will try to blog about it when i have all the pictures. Meet up with Yumie on Monday, Thought that, she was back in university for her final exam. Try my luck and sent her text message to see whether she's around. Suprisely she was in Pg for few days , we then have " yam cha" session in Fresh :) Fyi, yam cha is a Cantonese language ,it means drinking session in English.

Nice meeting up with her even though i'm exhausted that time. Fresh is a place where they sell Taiwan healthy fruit juices and milk tea with reasonable price. The sugar and ice level are adjustable, just like Chat time and other popular drink stores. It is the place where most youngster love to hang out back in my hometown. They have a branch in KL too, somewhere near Wangsa Maju but i got no idea whether it's popular in KL or they just prefer chat time and Gong Cha over Fresh. I personally love Chat time as i'm getting bored with Fresh for now . Not in the good condition to take pictures that night, those ugly pics cannot be shared :D

Friday the 13th

2011-05-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

When I first see the sentences Friday the 13th. It was kind of familiar to me but i just couldn't figure it out what was it about. I goggled about it, and here to share some of the information.
Friday the 13th is the scariest Friday among all Fridays. Some authors of a page compared the ratio of traffic accident over normal Fridays. The ratio seemed to be higher .
Incredibly, they found that in the region sample, consistently fewer people choose to drive on Friday the 13th , the number of admissions due to vehicular accident showed to be higher than normal Fridays. They then concluded it is the unlucky day for some. I was surprised when i read some article about the day, some people refuse to go to work and some don't eat in restaurants. People will always be extra careful on that day.

Luckily, I was confused about Friday the 13th on the day exactly or else i'll be anxious for the whole journey. I Went back home straight after Friday marketing lecture with public bus. The horrible bus crash happened long ago, involved one of my friend had gave me a phobia and bad impression about bus. My bf bought me 6.30pm ticket but i reached earlier than the departure time. So then, I tried my luck to change early ticket. Deng! managed to change an earlier one , board on the bus happily thought that i could reach home earlier and able to spend more time in Penang. It was just empty happy , i boarded on around 4.30pm and the bus only left around 6pm T.T ! This one of the disadvantage of low cost bus. sigh! I'm in the twin seat, was there earlier than the person beside me. Praying hard for a girl , so that i could sleep comfortably along the whole journey.

Not as i wanted, it was an English educated Indian guy, I was like it's okay since i'm not a racist person. We never even look and talk to each other. It's kind of normal as this is how strangers usually react. He was texting his friend and I was just being curios and turned my head to his position to see what mobile phone is he using. Guess what i accidentally read? Written there" a Chinese chick siting beside me and bla bla bla." couldn't get to see the next sentences , he's moving his cell phone away from my sight.

I got scared and moved my body right away from him. He must be never sit with any Chinese chick then he got so excited or he never been approached to any Chinese girl before? LOL!

I'm then been asked to change to another bus while he stayed and it is end of the story. I don't take it as unlucky to me as i safely delivered home. What about you guys? Have anything bad happened on you?

New semester, New aims, New goals, New desires :)

2011-05-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

My blog will be keep updating until i have 10 posts before this coming Friday then my mission is complete :) Blogging became part of our studies now, our assignment. So , it is one of my task. Urghh! My brain is going to explode ! Thank you for the overcapacity of desire goodies' images keep spinning in my mind. Unfortunately i'm running out of cash, sorry babes just can't bring u home yet :( I will try my best!

New semester just started not long ago, i'm still like a free bird but with rusted brain. Feeling like a lifeless dumb-ass now, my brain just not willing to function well. Rather slacking around and do irrelevant stuff than doing things that i suppose :/ That kinda life doesn't stay long tho, maybe end soon in few days time? Then back to hectic days again and i'll be busy and stress like zombie. I have difficulty breathing when i listed down all the events, plans and tasks to do in this 4 months. Like what my sis used to say, " Feel the fear & run to the fear! Life is too short to play it lite. " Hmm.. sounds like from the movie THOR. LOL! It's not completely true, but part of it. We grow up from mistake we made and challenges we meet. Talking about THOR i suddenly miss eating popcorns and watching movie in cinema. Have been a long time since i had popcorns / snacks with movie.

Having 4 months as one semester is like splitting my life into 4 parts in a year. Different goals and aims in every different semester. Like seriously, i couldn't life w/hout any goals, it's like there's no more meaning for living. Goals always give me constant motivation and hard work to achieve it. Something i'm confused about is, sometimes even though i have achieved the goals that i have been dreaming for, i just don't seem to be real happy but truly wore.

Desire babes that i'm dreaming for :

Longchamp short handle bag ♥

Desires : How nice if it could happens in this 4 months

♥ Iphone4 white

♥Trip to Singapore and bangkok

♥Buffet in E&O

♥21st Birthday bash in own home / else where

♥Intern in Kraft industrial

♥Score with flying colours in exam

♥ Invent my very own recipe of a food product

♥Lose weight , [ Gah! this's seriously tough]

♥More nice restaurants visit [ how can this come after lose weight plan above ? so wrongg! :'P ]

♥Improve swimming club and recruit more members. [ I wanna make it alive, it had been dead for like years]

♥ More blouse & shoes

♥ Short hair cut?

♥ Small business together with the sis

Gahh! i can't wait for July and august! Return of two buddies . Hotel stay and party with the friends :))) Please plan more outing, we gonna make it happening & fun. Re-alive the small penang island again .Lets rock the beach & the club !

They no longer have my size :( pretty , not? Where else can i get it?

By,Fennie

Free Mc chicken Burger

2011-05-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

Hey some good stuff to share with you all :) Tadaah! Buy 1 get 1 free promotion again. But this time is for Mc chicken. No doubt, MCD'S really excellent in attracting customers to purchase their food products with tempting promotion. Thats marketing! really making alot of $ . I will only eat 1, 1 us enough . Cannot be so greedy, haha! My friend is so bad to tease me that one is not enough to satisfy me, need 3 . Yiackkk! Fattening ,you know? Imagine the oil that absorb by the chicken is in your body :S Anyway, print it out and grab that yummy and cheap burger to delight your day !

Late & early celebration

2011-05-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

I prefer meet up with 2/3 persons and have heart to heart conversation sometimes rather than huge gathering. For me, it helps to strengthen bond and easy sharing when only few ppl but of course the more the merrier sometimes could still be fun tho. Went starbucks at ac with yumie yesterday night. I missed her 21st birthday celebration, it's once in a life time so i did some simple spongebob collection for her as her birthday gift. I'm glad that she was mad happy to see the kiddo's watch. haah! Picked her up right after dinner with dad, gosh! my eyesight getting seriously bad esp at night. I enjoy hang out with her after so long time, we had some shopping at flea market too, got myself a highwaist shorts and whity hairband :D

Wanted to have breakfast in winter warmers with bear , but we just didn't make it. So then, i dated the to loveliest above to have my super craving breakfast there :))

The blogger !

It was on saturday, I had appointment for my check up in Loh guan lye Hos , drove over gurney tower subway to have breakfast with mom & Johan before check up. Damn, the hospital was packed like market on that day, even parking lots were fully occupied. I waited for 3 hours to my turn . Right after check up, i met up Teresa in gp nandos for lunch. Treated her meal and small cake for her early birthday as i'll not be around in pg that day. Again , just 2 persons outing. It's seriously way more comfortable . We had some girls talk like she shared about his love life with the bf. I'm happy for her to get the Mr.right. No doubt, Shane , her bf is the family guy , he's very mature at his age and a guy who would think of teresa and even her family in many circumstances. Give his love ones the best than himself. Many questions popped out in my mind when i heard about her compliments to her bf , i then ponder and i know relationship cannot be compare with others.

xoxo, Fennie

..

2011-05-01T02:47:00.000-07:00

What's wrong? Don't leave me unanswer!

sem break

2011-04-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

Finally i'm done with final and here comes sem break :) Sadly, it's only one week, the shortest sem break among all uni. Damn UCSI! Oh yeah, i did mention my scholarship interview held the same day as my last paper, i wanted to blog about it right after but was too tired and lazy. It was my first interview , don't have any experience before this and i really thought i screwed up as i reaelly did screw up. suprisely, i got an email from them, i got the scholarship!!! yeah yeah! i got the scholarship!! All the hardwork worth afterall. God heard my whispered :) and yeah! Just checked my results while i'm half way blogging, got ABB this time. not really satisfied, thought food chem might score A as well, but at least not so bad tho, still acceptable.

Sin yee stayed over my place for few days.We went for movie and some restaurant visit which is charlie brown in straith quay. Hell! it was utterly disappoited me. food was expensive and tastes not good at all, only the decoration and environment attracts , so i definately not gonna visit it again. Have been eating lotsa good food recently didn't really care about diet plan and good body figure that i used to have in my mind all the time. For sure, hell diet plan agen when i'm back in KL. You know that, it's pretty hard to on diet in this beautiful island with lotsa good food. plus plus, bonanza and 50% for starbucks frapuccino during my holidays, how can i resist the temptation?

Not really hang out oftens this sem break , kinda tired and lazy. i ran errands with dad and some hospital visit again, which took almost whole day. another hospital visit tomorrow, my proctitist result is out , hopefully it gonna be alright. but i have to be honest, i still skip the insert butt medicine.

i eat lucy, lucy eat me.

sin yee, me and teresa

teresa , me and ronnie.

We had subway breakfast at AC den headed to gurney for red box with s.yee and ron. brought myself white birkenstock shoe, it's really comfortable than i expected. no regret buying it, take it as self rewards :) We then headed to straith quay to meet up teresa and shane for charlie brown . It truly disappointed. Had my haircut too in Boris. Kinda satisfied, but i just trim so not much different but it looks good when i curl it. Oh yeah, got another DKNY apple perfume from johan as a gift. He bought it all the way from saudi arabia. tq!

We celebrated cat's belated birthday in korean bbq restaurant in jusco. I'm glad she's kinda strong. Her mom definately very happy to see her strong and firm daugther in heaven.

Had yam cha session with the moos, missed out ah big and looi this time. me, teresa and milk are so into centerline parting now. LOL! thanks! they said i look good in centerline, finally answered my questioned abt whether to cut my fringe. so yeah! I'm not gonna cut for now :)

Went for bonanza with elica, suprisely we didn't really eat that much. of course i ate more than her. We were lucky to sit next to a very kind sushi maker. kept promoting us good stuff :) haah! I went for movie with bear in queens too. I miss bear hug!! wink wink! Few more days back to kl again. ahh! i hate that!

signning off now, love Fennie

Deep breath!

2011-04-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

Physically and mentally tired for the week. I wish everything could pause , give me a break and resume when i'm ready. Have been a hectic week, I made a promise with myself that i must stay focus and fully utilise my study week at home. It ended up differently, I,not only lost of focus and motivation to study, and i'm utterly weary. Hospital visit became part of my daily routine for this week. Grandma admitted into hospital , mom's turn for colonscopy then followed by me. Grandma used to suffer from lymphatic cancer , her arm swollen in sudden and was admitted for 3 weeks already. I felt sad for that but at least I'm glad with mom's colonscopy report , it came out to be healthy. Unfortunately ,i'm not that lucky this time. Gone thru x-ray, ultrasound,blood test, colonscopy and gastroscopy to find out the major cause of my blood in stool for 3 weeks. I thought it was just a hermorrhoid that doesn't have to worry abt, it was found in my rectum anyway ,sad to say it isn't the cause of bleeding but "proctitis". A non common and unknown specimen , isn't that funny to deal with proctitis. Even the cause of proctitis in my rectum was unknonw. I'm prescripted for 3 months which really made me so sick of daily medication. I have been on daily medication due to family heredity of high cholesterol and now another extra medicines force to be consume ): This wasn't that bad , the worse part is to insert a medicine stick into my rectum for twice a day. I got really fed up with that thing as i do not know the write way of using it. It kept falling off, driving me like nuts and gave up. Feeling wasn't good every time i insert it. I always find stupid reason to skip that part, i know i shouldn't be like that if i wanna be recovered faster. I'm really lost of motivation to focus and work harder for my coming final paper. Properly i'm getting exhausted of all these. Received a sms yesterday from scholarship department , informed by them that i have been invited for the interview. When i first read the sms, it should be joy within me as first step application has been approved. Frankly, i felt differently . No joy but STRESS! Fear, stress, unexplainable nervous all come together and attack me at once. It is right that , thats what i have been waiting for after studying so hard and struggling to get good grades. Somehow , i'm not ready for it yet. It held on the same day as my final paper, i wonder how could i handle both. Both are important , cannot afford to fail, cannot afford to lose the opportunity. Big sigh! Still, i realise if i couldn't handle all of it well , it indicates i could have no problem handle bigger matter or smtg more significant in future. I need blessing, i need motivation , i need courage, i need anything that could keep me going forward. " Problem is the sign of life, the more problems u have faced, it indicates the more alive ur life is" ; people who living in cemetry are free from worry , stress and problems cause they ain't alive. There's no different with them if u don't encounter any problems in your life. I read it from non fiction book titled "dare to fail". I found it meaningful and it's true enough. & i found another one quite meaningful too which is " Friends, family and beloved ain't the person who could help u / give a solution to ur problems but ur mind." 2 days left for my final and interview, I'm not fully prepare at all, still not satisfied with my preparation, still can't find any confident to do well in any. I should learn and be dare to fail so that i could succeed in anything. Failure doesn't mean the end of the world right? I'm feeling so stress with my final, my interview, my health, my weight , what else?! Signning off, Fennie

Go genting!

2011-04-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

He had a free standard room in genting, so here we go to genting on last fri. It was our very first trip together. He had classes and presentation to be done on that day, we then headed to genting right after that at around 5+pm . I was starving on daytime , definately crave for good food (: So here we go songkran thai's buffet for dinner! which is way too HEAVY!

His first plate's portion. certified to be monster :D

That were for 2 of us. cooperation of small and big monster.

#1 : Ahh! hungry hungry! can't wait to eat

#2: woohh! not bad uh!

#3: Bloated! I barely can breath! too much , too much!

Mango & I :) Really too much and too heavy dinner we had. I got so suffer after the meal , feel like wanna get rid of all the foods from the top and the bottom. LOL! I'm kinda regret to had it, feeling so fat man! :'( As i expected,he went to casino and i'm left alone to wander around in genting again. Watched Rio alone to kill sometime then wander round and round the same place. Thus, i'm getting serious bored of the place now. I used to enjoy being alone time, i realised i had changed after this time. I wanted a companion that night so badly,nothing much to do there , you know genting, making me freaking bored. But ,at least the cold and fresh air is still relaxing.

After movie, don't feel like going back to room alone as i'm coward and scare to be in the room alone. Get a place to sit and had baskin robin's pure yogurt ice cream, hoping it could helps for digestion. haah!

After ice cream, wander around and around again. Dunno where to go, so here am i to starbucks for all time fav green tea blended. Picked a good place with good view , tried hard to concentrate on notes but couldn't get in at all.

I'm in love with the green lady with a star crown on her head. but for now, i'm sick of it coz i had too much. :X Waited like for 4 hours, and yeah! finally he's done , best part was i'm happy for him to win quite amount of money. at least, my 4 hours waiting were worth that.

Don't really had a good sleep. i woke up quite early automatically. He treated me buffet breakfast for next morning. Hell! 2 buffets seriously kill and i feel like wanna puke whenever buffet comes into my mind. I'm sick of it, prefer something light now. Too much buffet, ended with too much fats accumulated in my body )': I gained weight again, sigh! He asked permission for casino again after breakfast, I insisted and told myself thats enough and shouldn't allow him to go. I'm failed to do so, i'm still me, the person who just okay with everything to her love ones. Thats my no.1 weakness that ended up with empty promises & broken hearts back in years. I hate myself sometimes, i wonder why i just couldn't be self-centered? Be self-centered and insist just once? Maybe i'm born to be that way,maybe maybe... I tell ya, being too kind isn't a good thing sometimes.

However going casino for next morning ,this wasn't in my expectation, i thought we could get some walk and snap some nice pictures. It ended up with i'm being left and him to casino again. Wasn't that long this time, still i have to wander the same boring place around. Got myself another green tea blended, checked out and headed home!

Bye genting! So basically, from my words above, it seemed like no different then i'm going trip alone besides for dinner and breakfast :) Well, no point to complain and i'm exhausted! No matter what, no matter to where, as long as i'm being with him, i'm happy and satisfied. I wouldn't care and wouldn't give a shit damn thing, whether it should be that way, as long as i appreaciated every moments, i gave everything that i could give , when it comes to the end ,it is the end. Life is too short to complaint. I might be different from other girls, and most of the things i have done actually don't benefit myself but always to others. At least i clearly know i will never regret in my life as i have done everything that i could do. I believe, he know what he should do. Complaining too much about life or relationship do not help things to get better. Why not think your head crack and lift up ur bloody hand and and do it better, which is not an easy task! Somehow, i'm still a girl who love being pampered and spoiled ^^

signning off! See you next post! :)

weekend

2011-04-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

Kill me exam ! I'm feeling so stress-out when final is around the corner, still stick to the old routine, usually i'll play and have lotsa fun to de-stress before struggling with books. One week more to go, i'm getting so nervous , ntg else but stress in my blood. Maybe i'm putting very high expectation on two coming papers. I wanna score for both to secure higher cgpa. My aim for this sem is to get an overall achievement awards! pray hard! I really want it, at least i achieve smtg during my university level which able to let my parents to be proud of me. Instead of paying fees and high living cost every month to feed an useless with zero achievements daugther. Making my parents proud of me is always the no.1 motivation to keep to going on and work extra harder. Wonder why now adays getting so lost of motivation and determine to keep going. I'm lost of study mood ): Be was back to pg & i'm glad that at least i have someone to spend my weekend with . My date of the day : Audrey (: Have been real long time since only we both hang out together like we used to have. I had lotsa fun and spending out of budget agen :S Thought that i could limit myself to save for singapore trip who knows, i'm still never change, sigh! Hmm. gastric attacked after so long time, and found out a remedy for that. Drink cold stuff suprisely helps which Idk why.

Pirated snowflakes with shitty red bean. It tastes not bad tho, somehow not as good as snowflakes . but it had buy 1 free 1 promotion, so no harm trying smtg new ,right?

Happy 21st b.day, vincent fook! It was on april fool day, 10 of us ( if nt mistaken) went to mist for his celebration. Crowded, happening, excitement and fun! Most of em became drunk-asses that night. I was suffered from gastric after few pure shots, still i'm sober due to the pain.

sinyee (:

Ohhhh :X i stole it from his external hardisk. Heh! i likey this pic and missed the sudden lost spec. I misschu right now,babe :D * I appreciate everything i had in my life cause i hate the feeling of regret more than anything else. Somewhat, i keep questioned myself am i being appreciated like i do. People always tend to neglect and regret till they lost, you know.

R.I.P puppy ):

2011-03-08T04:35:00.000-08:00

I never know it mights happen that fast, i never know she might just leave to any land without i knowing and prepare for that. I never know i never got the chance to touch, to feel and to see her anymore in my life.
I have been such an idiot for not informing by my family that she had passed away for a week till i returned home last few days. She had gone to another place without letting me seeing her once for the last time.

I bursted all my tears out when my sis told me in sudden, we were on the way home in the car. My mind gone empty white and sudden flashed back of all the pictures of her. I couldn't believe and i do not want to believe in fact i just couldn't accept the truth of her death. Guessing game started with my own, i don't even know what's the cause of her death. My family wouldn't dare to further discuss upon her to me. I wanted to know so badly inside somehow, i can't make it to speak it out the matter to them. I know it's just the matter of time, as time goes by i'll be alright , living with her memories in my life.

Whenever i look at the pic i feel heartache deep inside, no one could understand , friends and family are being supportive to me. Unfortunately i wasbeing so strange yet cruel. I stepped back and turned away when people trying to comfort and talk to me. I went offline when friends were there trying to comfort me. I truly appreciated and i know who care abt me , still, i'm sorry i just need more time and i hardly can open up my heart and thoughts to everybody. Nevertheless, I doubt abt myself.

Life is so short, is like riding on the roller coaster ride. I may sometimes ponder upon myself, i have the dream to die earlier than all the beloved that i care. I rather die than suffer with the forever pain of heart. I could be seem so firm and strong from the cover, frankly, tear the fake hard cover away , only fragile and bleeding beating heart u would see. I never want the world to see the fragile side of me, thats the reason i only feel comfortable open up my heart to certain person and burst out all the tears that have been keep until overloaded. I seek for warm and secure i need the most whenever i know i'm not okay.

I never regret to adopt her , never! I take the responsibility to adopt her and promised the previous owner to take care of her with all of my heart. I noted to adopt her without seeing her before and until today i have no regret. She had brought lotsa joy into my life brought so much merry to my family. She's the one that gone hard and happy time together with me. A dog behaved like a human, she had been long with me till we almost have the same characteristics like stubborness of me. To me, she's the most lovely dog that i never want to have a second pet but her. Thanks for giving birth of melcus, he's the gift from her that i treasured alot. I know, there's no turning back of time, i know her lost cannot be return and she had gone forever. I know and i have been told to move on and treat melcus with all of my heart to replace her. I did.

Went seriously upset, lost control of mind last few days, thought i was alright and keep moving on with life. Unfortunately, whenever i'm tired of studies and all incomplete tasks altogether with releases of stress hormone in higg level causing me unexplainable miserable. At the time, i know i'm not alright at all. I went upset again, when finally i'm able to open up my heart to , slowly slowly release the overloaded tears. All i want is just a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Isn't that is simple? But how can i still being abandoned crying at the side alone, bursting out the hard feeling while he still busy with his on work. I understand, the importances of work and studies but whenever i see he could rather spend the 5 mins on fb page / playing with his iphone games than turning his head to the direction of the totally out of control ugly duckling. The sad part is he don't even realise i have been crying for half an hour already and he thought that i cry for my eye infection. big sigh* I dunno whether i'm being over sensitive or not. samething i did blame on myself before others but sometimes i ponder, it might be not my own matters. I always do not want to bring troubles to ppl around me esp my love ones. One thing, i truly know i'm being loved by a man who i love him more than he loves me.

From that moment onwards, it's even harder for me to open my heart and share all the matters and challenges i have encountered in life anymore. I rather keep it to myself , lock it tightly never-ever burst the tears out that ppl only think is anooying. I'm afraid to face the same scenario like above again. I tell myself, i'll never cry infront of anyone else anymore, i noe it's hard as i'm a shallow tears person. I tell myself to stay firm and strong no matter the sky collapse to the ground. I tell myself, just follow my heart and learn to protect myself from being hurt. because i know, i couldn't afford to get hurt anymore.

Signning off, fennie

Morning !

2011-03-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

Morning world! Lets kick start your day with a cup of caramel machiato.

I'm currently waiting for boarding time , yeah! i'm going home :) After few hectic weeks, finally i'm going home! Intravarsity had passed, first time of mine organising such event, used to be a swimmer but i never have any experiences organising a competition, yet didn't have anyone to guide me this time. In conclusion, i'm ended up with "do it at your own risk". It was kinda not well organised for the first day, most of the things were done last min. To avoid from any inconvenience causes, i reorganised properly for the 2nd day compeitition, systems and everything seemed going smoothly but dis-satisfaction of one of the event had occured. Holding tight with the rules and laws, i made up my mind to disqualified for their mistakes, still i called up kee chai for his opinions. Im disappointed with their sport spirits embended in their nerve , It was so obvios, still never give up deny with his own mistake,wth! Furthermore,I truly appreciate helping hands from my babe, friends and committes when i'm really out of human power. Not to forget,special thank to the sport division they're really superb in words than actions. After experienced their organising and working ways, i know what i gonna do next. Not gonna rely and have any expectation from them anymore. Still not in the relax mode but at least i can squeeze sometime out to get some air. It gonna be another hectic week next week, with 3 reports then 2 assignments left , lastly one midterm and hello to final exam :/ Seriously i need a vacation. Vacation!!! I'm planning for a vacation during short sembreak which is on end of april, any suggestion where to go? Oh yeah! As i mentioned above, i'm having caramel machiato while waiting for barding time. After so long , finally i'm better immune with coffee right now :) Not getting any dizziness anymore. It is kinda waste for not knowing indulge yourself with lovely coffee. I'm in the learning progress and slowly get used with the strong caffeine! Anyway It's almost time, chaos!

Signning off,
Fennie

Feb february

2011-02-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

Life getting tougher as we grow older, each step getting heavier when we come into difficulties. I'm both mentally and physically tired due to never ending task to complete. Leading to stress and worries when you took it significants and struggling stack of books on the desk to score well. I'm in year 2 now, studies getting tougher with incomplete task that totally make me weary. Shock news in new zealand, return of earthquake after last year in christchurch had became a serious hot issue. I do not know how to decribe the feeling as one of my best friend was involved in it, i feel the fear from the conversation between us , yet i felt dumb for being incapable to help out. I pondered upon the issue, it had made me stop complaining about my life. Whenever i have the intention to complain about how suck my life has been so far , natural disaster over chch had reminded me how lucky am i compare to others. I'm being served with good food, having good life in peaceful country while at the same time the unfortunate victims are struggling to survive and escape from the horrible earth quake. The number of death rose every single day and 300 over reported lost victims have not been found. Pray hard, hope everything comes to the end and re-alive the beautiful city again. Sorry for neglected about my blog, february has comes to the end , how you guys doing ? Mine wasn't that bad except for these few weeks, i'll try to recap what i have done . peace! ^^Y

With the ex- desa mas housemate. Finally we have the time to gather , unforatunately wei han wasn't there with us. Again another imperfect picture of us w/hout him .

Spent my awesome holidays with her. Thanks for bringing so much joy to my life. I remembered i shed my tears when i saw ur arrival at the arrival hall, obviously,sending you off back to christchurch again really make me heartache. Hate that feeling wey! Wait for ur next return (:

Finally met her up after so long time. She still busy as usual and we still talk from the beginning to the end as usual.

Another elmo from taiwan. Thank you so much for bringing something back for me every of ur return (: I likey it !

First tower of cocktails in zingy bar, UPR. taste sucky!

CNY's buffet with mom, sis & the bf in citytel.

First starker in overtime. Not much different than heineken, but freaking expensive.not bad afterall

Cute, not?

Black sesame ice from ice room in Lot 10. Recommendation from food magazine had brought me there.

Bangsar boutique shopping with kailu. i wish my uni locates at bangsar. will definately visit again.

Must have cocoa balls for visit.

sweet addiction! so now, i'm with tutti frutti face :D

First blood donation in uni. Butterflies in stomach and knee went weak when came to my turn. haha! anyway nothing to be afraid of, pls be kind enough to donate your blood to unfortunate patients. You may save their lives

A cert of appreciation.

Sushi Zanma. Nom nom nom!

I love it also becoz they ain't stingy like sakae. keep their sweet sauce. urghh!
Gracie anna maria!Have not been hanging out with her since long time ago. I made it this month(:
Oh yeah! Finally ! Finally i had it. craved it so F long time. Miraculously, they changed their whole menu and price reduction actually happened. I was like omfg! Dream comes true. Double thumbs up for american style with oreo. nom nom nom! love paddington's pancake house. Somehow i miss eating pancakes with bare hands together with Joleen :(

Newly opened yogurt store in midvalley. SPOON ! Hmm. not my choice, i'm loyal to tutti frutti

But nice store they have uh

Wishing upon the star. I hope March will be fabulous :) Look into my eyes and tell me you're being cherished all the time.

Signning off, Love fennie

Happy valentine's day.

2011-02-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

Happy valentine's day peeps!
Stay sweetly together with your loves one and make everyday a valentine's day ^^
I love sharing session like how u passed your valentine's day with the loves one when it comes to this special day. You might noticed blushes on most of the faces of the storyteller when they share about their sweet moments. Aww,I feel the joy and romance in their love life. On this special day, most of the couple might thinking their head crack, putting lotsa efforts together with sincerity to suprise the opposite. It's also the only time that could tell minor lies for the sake of suprise the opposite and it's forgiveable [:
Valentine's day ,not to say that it's the only day to express your true love. Perhaps, true love from the bottom of the heart should be shows every single day with actions when you're being with the person u love. Apparently, girls take it significant, might as well putting a least a little bit exciment and expectation. Everybody has different thoughts about valentine's day. Staying sweetly and happily with the bf/gf, everyday could be valentine's day. Thats true enough, anyhow i still have my own thoughts about the love day.
To me , valentine's day is the day for couple to celebrate their love . It could also be a reminder to the couples to cherish the relationship they had currently and giving special treats to each other. As you know not every couple give special treat to the partner on usual day / could be worse like not at all in their relationship. Thus valentine's day is the day for them. It's kinda fun to see the world is celebrating their love together at the sametime, at least the world isn't that cruel yet.
As usual, you're interested in ppl's valentine, they might as well feel curious and interested to know about yours. Remain silent is the best answer i could give or no valentine to the peeps that knew that i'm in the relationship. Have not been celebrating valentine's day as i was single years back with completely zero expectation. Thought that it could be different this year as i'm lucky to be brought into love lane by cupid. Frankly i'm glad that i didn't put high expectation on that day, probably cause i'm afraid of the feeling of disappointed.
Anyhow i still expect a little ,i assume that this happens to most of the girl, there might be exceptional cases but less. Unfortunately, there's another year with no valentine's day. It's a first time of mine, in the relationship with no valentine's celebration. Jealousy gained a little when people around sharing their sweet moments with their love ones/ all the little things and suprised given by their bf. Of course i wish i could be one of them but it's alright i'm putting wide smile after the next minutes.I'm staying positively (: Anyway, i'm looking forward to pass every single day with full of laughter and joy with you. Love me and prove your sincerity , everyday would be a valentine for me ^^
Yeah yeah! of course it's a must to suprise my babe boy on the very special day. I told lies for the sake to suprise him successfuly. Such as i'm out to meet friend's from penang, in fact i'm there to hunt pressie for him or i accompany my housemate to buy things, in fact i'm the one who begged her to drive me all the way to jaben store in subang. For appreciation i treated her with my all time fav dessert snowflakes. haha!

Jaben headphone store in Subang. I was suprised by their great services ! Should pay a visit there earphone lovers. They selled all kinda brands and you're free to test it all ^^

Tadaa! This is what i got for B. Jays from switzerland. I never know about the existence of this brand till i'm there. the sounds quality attracted me , plus it's in the range of my budget.

We headed to genting on that night. Underage me isn't allow to be in the casino so me and eileen chilled at starbucks while B and his housemate went in.

Thanks B! I know you wanna spend your spare time on studies on the holiday. I'm glad and thankful that you still willing to spend your limited time on me just to make me happy. love love!

p/s: i love spending time with you and i feel comfortable with you. Just be yourself cause i love the way you are and who you are. I don wish to see you try to be perfect for me , thats no longer the real you. I don't wanna be a burden to you but to share your burden and problems that you have encounter together with you. I wish i could bring more joy into your life , because your smile makes my day [:

Xoxo, signning off, f

Initial

2011-02-03T05:37:00.000-08:00

Lost of mind, don't know what's the most suitable table for this post. I picked initial with no reason and related. Just ignore it* Mood went up and down like a roller coaster ride. I feel disappointed with myself that how could my emotion be influenced so easily by the important person? Have you ever think how great it would be if man knows what woman wants? Just by looking into your eyes, he knows what is going on with you, whats the matter that drive you crazy like a nut. without have to say a word. He knows how to make you feel secure. Yeah! a man is a man. human being with no extraordinary power gifted by god.

Not to say he has to know everything at least he know how to make you feel secure. I admit women are proven to be anxious than men , feeling insecure easily. No doubt, we're born to be that way, they are in our nerve (: You're not us, or try to think from woman's point of view, how much secure feeling is significant to us. I bet we learnt some lesson from movies sometimes and we were also taught from most of the movies , "clapping with one hand doesn't produce any sound". In the other words, we need to give a hand to each other to make thing work the best. CLAP *! The one who would clap your hand together, produce the loudest sound ,holding you tightly from the first moment , congratz! He is the one that will begin the beautiful sometime yet filled yet obstacles journey with you. Not only in relationship, it could be at work / studies .

I wanna be hold tightly and guide me every step i walk. Go thru all the obstacles together, make both of us feel that how much we cherished each other. Feel so vulnerable,yet i do not know whats the matter. Am i expecting too much from the opposite? Need myself a break and ponder how should thing go back to the right path. Remind myself all the time to slow down, need not rush for everything. Deep inside, i'm just afraid.

Just cuddle me around and tell me how much i'm being loved & cherished, i will put on wide smile for whole day long.

Have a wonderful day, f

one-monthsary

2011-01-28T08:18:00.000-08:00

Taken on : 25th Dec 2010. Soho

We have been together officially for 1-month. Being with him has been good so far, i know 1-month seems nothing as compare to 1 year but i cherish every moment even to tiny things, i would want to make it significants. It's part of the joy in my life, and i wanna make everything of us memorable yet hard to be remove. Have been thinking my head crack how to celebrate our very first monthsary eventhough i truly know that he didn't take it as something that should be celebrated or very significant. Everybody loves suprise right? who don't? Me personally always believe that simple is beautiful, so i made the celebration as simple as i could , most importantly it is from the bottom of the heart. We celebrated our first month-sary not in luxury restaurant with great environment but at home. I requested to lunch with him , I then suprised him by inviting him over to the newly opened cafe especially for him named " de fennie's cook" giggles* We were both busy on our anniversary and finally still managed to squeeze in our packed schedule. Lecture,gym,cooking, washing dishes, acc friends to Tbs & studied for test were reallly exhausted me somehow i'm happy to toached his heart :) We had 2 very simple healthy course meals this time : spaghetti and herbs bread served with black pepper chicken & salsa. Hope he didn't mind about the normal taste.It is not superb delicious like those in restaurant but again i cook it with my heart ! Guess what i even have to steal my housemate's cooking oil due to lack of ingredient. LOL! Wanted to suprise him with fossil wallet but due to i'm broke for the month , at the same time he was eager to get on one week before so we ended up each of us paid half for it. Remember the quote in my Fb? " The best kind of love is with low expectation" I don't demand alot as it's a right way of saying. Demand nothing is always a lie , in fact human are born to be demanding. On the other hand, I just hope that he would appreaciate beautiful things that happened in his life. My love to him grows bigger from day to day ,eversince the day i started a beat for him, to be frank at the same time my afraid of losing someone has also increases. Whatever is it, i'm still counting on our days together till the end of our life.I'm holding tightly & you're owed by me ! :D

Love f

Prosperity

2011-01-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

When it comes to cny, wishing of good fortune, success in our life are the basic demands of human being. Chinese believes certain food brings good fortune to out life. Thus it is always the best timing to savour yourself with Mcd's prosperity black pepper chicken/beef burger together with golden colour curly fries. My first time having this eventhough they had it every year. Ohh, i really don't know how to describe the very first bite on a scrumptious burger for someone like me, who don had MCD's for a real long time :) Grill lean chicken served together with blackpepper sauce and layer with fresh onions , it is simply delicious! will totally bring you up to the heaven, growing wings and flying like angel. LOL! :) Well, eating good food is one of my hobby which some of them will like gosh! how could this girl has that huge appetite and so crazy over foods? Don't you watch eat,pray,love? Eating is one of the best thing in our life [:

Slurrppsss! It looks yummy isn't? Nom nom nom! i feel like eating it again but the calories content turned me away.

It's all about lighting, how i wish i could be that fair. Just too hard, gene gene gene! Why is it so much melanin in my skin?

signning off,
f

on a rainy day

2011-01-23T01:56:00.000-08:00

I felt so wrong. It should be sitting at home struggling with tons of books on the desk & fight for the test to score the best i could. Very sorry to say it doesn't happen in me, it's another way round. I'm fully utelising my time with shopping, parties and fun fun fun. Where are the dreams, the aim & the vision of me achieving president award on the stage go? Thats my aim for this sem to achieve award, excellent in both academy and corriculum, not party queen nor shopaholic awards ! The will , the hardwork had slowly disintegerated in my nerve. It had been replaced with good live, having lotsa fun! Parents give me the best of the best that they could, i shouldn't be disappointing them with sucky results. I'm glad and being thankful that they don't put any stress nor high expectation on me which makes me feel i'm lucky compare to others. Ever since A-level i had been learning to be excellent in party and studies. I'm a highly demanding person at times, be good be excellent in everything is always in my nerve. It happened to turn out to be shit.Somehow, sometimes some sacrification has to be made to achieve the goals. Time management is always the major concern. I did not bad in balancing having lotsa fun and studies, more improvement & hardwork needed. I have 15 more mins more to do with this blog and get my eye back into the notes where i suppose to do :)

It would be awesome if easy life never get into the end. Life always get tougher as we grow older.It was wednesday, Audrey .Eileen. Porkie & I went for midnight movie in pavilion. We choosed a singapore comedy show this time named "Homecoming". I ranked it 4/6, not bad afterall. Laugh your ass off at the same time , the story has the moral value behind, guiding us to appreciate the importance of tradition and moment being with your family members is the most precious thing in our life.

Nice, not? Spot the strip jacket. It's pretty soft & warm. Got it in Fereheit,monthly sales product of em. Chilled at starbucks before the movie started with some lecture's notes.
Weird posing with sunshine smile :D He has the power in him, the one and only who could bring me to the top of the world at the same time drag me down to the hell when he wanna. Heh!
I want be gorgeous like her! Can i? :) It takes time and determination needed.

Best roomie , best person to share wif everything.
♥ f

Still have fun

2011-01-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

It has been the 3rd week of school reopening, living w/hout tons of assigments, lab report and test is awesome i can say, obviously,w/hout em i'm still on the holiday mood (: Still few Kgs to go to the desire weight and i'm really feel like giving up on that but whenever the ideal body figure appears in my mind , it keeps me moving on. Thin-inspiration! thin inspiration!! Wanting me anti-food is a mission impossible task , I couldn't resist the temptation of food still, shit suffer for not allow to eat. @.@ Pictures do the talking job ^^

Celebrated belated 21st b.day for her. Mission failed to suprise her. Hope she still likes the simple celebration from the bottom of the heart.

Mom came over for meeting in hitz again. Pick her from airport via public transport. P.transport could be tiring , no choice that's the only option.

I recommended this way to airport . easy , comfy & cheap!
The company , kailu

Oh yea, finally here she is, the awesome mom (:

nice, not? the earring i mean. haha!

Forgot when was it, but few days after. Kai lu & I went to pavilion for the movie, Meet the parents. We lunch in heritage food street, Lot 10. Was my first time, not bad afterall with more options.

Lunch of the day :Hong Kong style bihun.

3 dentists came over for convention. Free consultation always happened when we have professionals wif us. LOL! Shocked news: Elica and Cw involved in horrible accident in slim river. Thank god they were safe. muah!

Early suprised 21st birthday for Ester Sim. @ U-cafe.

Shisha with them next at Al-andulus. It sucks to the max.

Next day Jogoya buffet @ starhill.

The company & my beb

Never want jogoya for the 3rd time. i still prefer western cuisine afterall. Thinking of jogoya makes me want to puke. Chilis i misschu!

Met pretties at pavilion for a while & they headed to midvalley afterthat.

Zouk , Barsonic & sneaked in Velvet underground at one night. Velvet is fabulous!

Sin yee, the full time club partner

Guys: the full-time clubber.

Chris, Cw & gf. Long distance relationship, Melbourne-Malaysia.

Next day, accompany the bf to Ferenheit for the new spec.

Ray-Ban, Never hide!
Movie : season of the witch for the day.

Hugs! signning off:
♥F

Oh hello!

2011-01-19T03:04:00.000-08:00

Oh hello! This is the first post of the year . Sorry for missing in blogspot again and again, my fault.Have been busy with i'm not sure what (LOL!) Blogging no longer become my daily routines as i need to concentrate more on studies / maybe nothing really motivates me to blog about.Well,the truth is laziness over busy. Somehow everything happened in my life is still worth writting. My life was up and down for year 2010 and it kinda messed up at times. Thats normal i assume, as things always don't get right sometimes. Nevertheless,i'm still sticking with the old quote " live in the present and make in beautiful" It inspires me all the time and keep me moving no matter what happened. I always believe that, rainbow will appears after the storm. I keep holding tight wif my belief till finally it had come true. I have to say,my year 2010 was ended beautifully with something i wanted / dreamt for a long time. Ended the end of the year beautifully was similar with happy ending in every fairytales (: I'm currently living on the top of the world , i hope it would remain, never ever bring me down to the ground again. At the sametime i'm putting effort & love to make it more beautiful. Guess here's the best place to share , you guys have been reading my sad love story for years , i'm sorry if my posts get you bored , no worry it gonna be the end i promise ! I'm here to announce finally after so long time and all the hardwork "I'm in the relationship" * smile widely :D I'm sorry it's still not open up as the opposite seems like not ready for that. I truly understood somehow it might still confuse me why it have to be secret. Thought that good things should be share with the person that care about you, whatever is it i'm still living on the top of the world , being cuddle and love by the person i precious the most, i appreciate *

♥F

red box

2010-12-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

Time passes like an arrow, christmas is tomorrow, few more days to new year, GOD! Whats u guys plan for the coming christmas? I don't really feel the christmas excitement, but still hope it gonna be lotsa fun! Life is all about to have fun :D Lets talk about my recent outing, We have been planned for our outing like for years! Kept cancelled due to everyone is busy with their own life, really hard to dig their spare time and spend our time together. Brimming with anticipation to have fun together and at the same time disappointment striked by breaking promises. Thats why I have no more expectation on anything anyhow.Finally we made it to red box (: ! I drove Joleen over and met the rest there. Suddenly, i realised had been a long time didn't catch up with vanrys them. She called me at times but i was busy with other outings, sorrryy )': Started to miss moo.co! Merry x'mas all in advance! Let the pictures tell the story.

We had lok lok is pulau tikus after sing k. We both were like brocolli monster! we filled our stomach most with that. healthy babes .

Santa came in and presented us hair saloon voucher.

This was shane's idea. LOL!

yeah, the blogger.
xoxo

rush dinner

2010-12-20T08:29:00.000-08:00

Right after jusco, next destination to sushi king , AC with an old frend. Wanted tambun but ended up with sushi. Stucked in massive jam and yet we only dined-in there for half and hour ;/ coz the old frend had something on next.Don't really eat much, mood went up and down due to exhausted i guess. Thus, i'm binge eating when i'm back at home again. Went to blood test this morning, hopefully cholesterol level gonna be fine. We're in the higher risk of heart attack! No choice, we're born to be like that. Seriously, i don't even give any attention on it and i don't mind even if i suffer from heart attack someday. Touch wood !* Just live your life what you want it to be.

Gonna go to gurney again with the sis and maybe dad might follow for good food tomorrow (: Hopefully he can make it, it has been a long time since we three hunt for good food in island.

*/ something had kept in me for a long time. I love you,dad! Thats all i wanted to say. I'm still daddy's daugther and being treat by him like a vulnerable kid all the time. Thanks for protecting me from harm.

Today is monday

2010-12-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

A tiring day, didn't really sleep well the day before. I'm suffered from insomnia lately. Big sigh! We went up and down to hunt for spec and x'mas present. Disappointed flooded for another day ): we couldn't find a suitable one, or maybe she had found one just me. I felt sorry for couldn't find a nice spec together with her. Seriously had no strange and mood to search for a suitable spec, kinda anooying and a hard task to find a nice one. At least, we started to enjoy our moment when it comes to christmas shopping. Felt much better after bought and settled what we had to. Been looking for few outlets,finally found a jersey for daniel, an orange one. Hope he might like my choice, i'm just helped out edmund to get for him. Shopping for christmas present is part of the joy from christmas season, you might on cloud 9 when u found something for your loves one [: Sadly, i only got for mom and uncle this year, not for my friends and beloved. Two places today, jusco and sunway , pity be had to drive me , i appreciate.

We wear denim together for the day (: Us in starbucks!
reading and drinking out fav drink

Be was so happy that she finally got an air supply's album for her mom. One more common thing, we both love oldies . High 5!

Dunno what happened to us today, it is like we felt uncomfortable and down for our own matters, but me im just caused by tiredness.

*/ Happiness always come with lowest expectation.

holy mama ;/

2010-12-20T07:59:00.001-08:00

#1 : Uh? #2: Oh, smile (:

Tell me how to be slim? I gained 4kg ever since after i'm in KL.
Big sigh!
Big face big arm big thigh i no want!!! ):

pet fun fair

2010-12-20T07:15:00.000-08:00

Leen, alvin, william and I we had breakfast together in subway on saturday. They met up each other for the first time,overall was okay for me. I got no idea what do they think about each other and the first impression. To my experience,missing someone who you could not see all the time thats usual, however you could only realise how much you miss him/her when you guys see each other. Thats always happened to me, do you guys have the feeling as me? I realised i missed that person more than i expected everytime after seeing him. Pheww!

"He seemed care for you! Thats what i can see" Leen said. I'm being treated that way for a long time but at least there's some improvement I don't know how later on. In fact, i'm happy about this, shouldn't hide the feeling of joy (:

We went to the pet fun fair in A.C in the evening. Aunty Lisa brought us to nice hawker in raja uda before headed to the fair. I didn't put very high expectation on that fair, i know it wouldn't be much thing there but at least lotsa visitors brought their pretty and cute dogs there to make it happening.
They're lovely . ain't they?

Best pic of the day. credit to Leen. His name Qiao Qiao, was imported from taiwan. He's incredibly cute! Tired weekend but i had fun with em (:

soul sista

2010-12-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

We both always the best partner to hunt for good food. Excited about going to paddington pancakes house the day before, you know we just love high carb foods like pancakes :p Here we go first destination to queens for the lovely pancakes as our first meal of the day. No suprise, our appetite are like monster, we weren't satisfied after 2 lunch set so we ordered another chocholate pancakes roll. kinda disappointed when it served, we both thought it would be like the thick pancakes till we have been told the thick one named american style but still the roll pancakes tastes superb! i wan american style for the next visit, couldn't resist the temptation or else i gonna make my own with nutella spread on it. yummm! XD Again, disappointement flooded our day, shouldn't have put so high expectation on 1st avenue, wonder why were they gave good comment on it? Way so much different than we expected, totally nothing there and it's kinda small . We managed to finish walking in 30 mins time.

we went to pm near by our house after dinner. too much good food on that day :/ Loacker our fav.

At least we had fun in Queens (:

It tastes superb!

quality is the main concern. quantity is empty.

signning off with Love

superb!

2010-12-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

Smile is the most beautiful feature we can have on our face.
=D
I'm on cloud 9
xoxo

[:

2010-12-13T10:33:00.001-08:00

Sometimes i find life is still wonderful.

xoxo

Amazing thailand

2010-12-13T02:09:00.000-08:00

Thailand, is always known as a great place for scrumptious food and shopping. It's a hectic town indeed, only a good place to travel definately not a place for permanent stay. I took sound pollution a significant matter in that country. It mainly cause by vehicles and traffic polices or whatsoever i'm not sure. Why police? well, i wonder why the police kept wisel for no reason.He doesn't seems like controlling the traffic nor giving command to the vehicles. It is like he wisel once in every 5 mins? or less than that. Whereas for vehicles, they just love to horn :D Other than that, thailand is seriously a great place to travel with low expenses.

This was the first time both of us, vanrys and I travel together. Catherine couldn't join us last minute for some reason. I felt so sorry to hear about her mom )': We both depart from butterworth by van , later then we met up tean and he brought us to lunch before checked in to lee gardens hotel. We reached earlier than the time we estimated and hoped to meet tean earlier, so we both tried to contact him via the public phone. Two idiots tried hard to figure out why wasn't it working at the old telephone booth and this is ridiculous! Afterall we still managed to meet him to have chicken rice as our first lunch in hatyai.

He's my first friend in hatyai (: He is way friendly than the shop owner aunty who wouldn't wan to help us to make the phone call. Grrr!

This is from another restaurant. Good chicken rice sold by an old uncle no longer there, i had it last year and it was real good. This not as good as the one, somewhat it cost the same. I wonder why their chicken rice is so much expensive than ours?
Egg tart is selling in KFC. I was suprised and had the urge to try once i hear about em from tean. There we go KFC in Lee garden. Apparently, their menus ain't the same as ours.

It cost 35baht per piece. It tastes not bad though.

Straight after egg tart we went for gelato. I was told there's a ice cream store almost alike my all time favourite gelatissimo, so definately a must to try for ice cream lover like me [:

It is located at 2nd floor, Lee gardens. They had variety flavours, even pop corn. To be frank, i tried almost all! hahaha! shame shame * cause seriously i couldn't make up my mind which one to order. I had mango and green tea at the end. It is freaking cheap only cost me 80Baht for 2 scoopes.

This is how the store looks like.

Even their 7-11 is nicer than ours in malaysia. Shopped for some snacks for supper, Lays are selling cheap there. i'm not sure the pic above is the ori Lays, but i found the one with proper and correct spelling of Lays afterthat. So i guess, the one above and the ori Lays i bought were the same cause the price is not much different.

Our trip wasn't just about food, we did some shopping as well , was too busy for shopping so didn't have any pics of that. Chicken pie ham! One of my favourite too, wonder why they don have it in malaysia. It's superb and only cost 290 Baht

Pork burger. I personally don't really like pork so i only had a bite. Nevertheless it is a must try food though.

This freaking pocky cost us 80 Baht (Rm8). freaking expensive. We brought the wrong one ,actually wanted the one with choco banana which is selling at 100Baht. Too bad couldn't find it ,didn't have the chance to try.

still taste good.

Chewy crispy fish finger :D
We walked alot, visited almost most of the shopping mall there in a day. Went back hotel for a quick shower then we joined tean & his family for dinner.

Here we go Lalit Kitchen. I heard this restaurant is kinda famous as it is recommended by food blogger. Food and environment were okay but the portion is too small.

Vanrys, me and tean. btw thanks his parents for the dinner. It cost them around 1400 Baht (Rm140)for that.

Next destination , Hatyai ice dome. The entrace fee is 200Baht for local and 300 Baht for international. Tean's mom managed to get local price for us. haah!

It real nice inside ,was really out of my expectation. Freaking cold with -15 degree celcius. We almost freeze and couldn't stay longer. worth paying 200 Baht for that even with 300 baht. More pics uploaded on fb.

There had gardens like in holland as well. Still with low temperature but wasn't as low as the one in ice dome.

After ice dome, here we went for food again. LOL! It's all about eating and shopping. This stall really amazed me. It didn't looks special but i missed it till today.

She sells bread dipping with kaya and hot drinks.

This is the finest and smoothest bread i ever tasted in my life. It simply scrumptious just with the homemade kaya dip. My mouth feels watery already just by describing it. 25 baht per plate, reasonable price isn't it?

Again i'm sorry. We were just like monster ;/ straight after they sent us back to hotel we both went for bites. i couldn't believe it is only rm0.15 cent

We took away back to hotel and had it after late shower. I couldn't imagine how much weight i gained in a day ;S Totally speechless with the way we eat.
Vanrys and I took very short time to shower cause we're kinda afraid to stay in toilet alone. hahahah! I thought she should be braver than me who knows we're the same, coward! XD

Day 2:
Had breakfast hotel. See her food portion!! bigger than mine! i dare not eat that much.

Pale looking face :/

this is mine (:

After fullfilled our tummy we headed to big market by tutu. Shopped till drop, finally had a hole in our pocket, time to back to hotel and get ready to the next destination: massage!
alright, the most embarrasing thing that i have done in december. i fell asleep during body massage. That girl took a long time to wake me up until tean and vanrys helped her , they thought i was faint. shame shame *:/ this is freaking cheap full body massage only rm16 for one hour. It located in carrefour.

After massage here we go, the last restaurant before back to malaysia. It located near carrefour beside a light gallery. They served good seafood with reasonal price.

Had too much good food and less drinks, I ended up with high fever and vanrys gained 2 kg for 2 days. hahah! I dunno about me didn't dare to weigh myself. Glad that our plans go smoothly we managed to do everything we wanted in a short time. Yes! we did have lotsa fun (: Planning for singapore and christchurch to visit leen next year :D Hope i can make it there!

Signning off,
fennie

kill the boredom

2010-12-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Drove over pg to pay for the parking fine. Urghh! why should we waste that unneccesarry $$ for the goverment?! Thats what dad nag about me. Mom's car broke down, she drove mine to somewhere thus, i'm stuck doing nothing at her place. Read some magazine and cold storage brochures to kill sometime. Found some must have items for christmas (: It's around the corner, the most warming and blessing day. Hope it gonna be a great one .

Gingerbread man cookie mix! i want this :D

Candy cane is a must have for christmas season.

Owh! gingerbread man cookie! i want this too! :D

Hmm.. i guess my mom bought it from europe. It is in dutch.
I can't read at all. LOL! but their fashion do inspire me.

new try * thats not me.

2010-12-11T07:41:00.000-08:00

Well, these are the outcome of our first trial photoshooting. They ain't the perfect one but she shooted it with her own ideal and perception which is really different from the ordinary one. She named the album " The Secret" , there's no reason behind just suddenly came out with tat name. The concept is more into horror and emo-ness. Apparently these didn't look like what she usually does, her style and concept were different this time, somewhat it is a good try.

She tried something new which is shooting people with shutter mode.
See the shadow, u guys might think it's a coincident simply shoot. well, she used shutter mode to get the horror feeling of human like those in horror movie. Thats y i said in previous post not everyone can figure out what the pic tells. (:

I seriously feel weird of thse pics. It's so not me! LOLL! Feeling a bit disturb and wondering how could i came out with those emo expression. at least i tried, if not i never know i can have that side too.

the chemistry bond

Tangle: Life goes up and down , it's tangle
sometimes when you in troublesome ;Life is tough, learn to release!
There are more on facebook , only share some here. kept viewing still couldn't accept the sexy version of me, i felt disturbing. omfg! Gonna try different one sooner.

another day

2010-12-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Leen is back for about a month but we barely can spend time only with both of us together. We have so much to share or maybe feel better just by spending time to each other. I always reminded myself to spend more time and cherish the moment with her as we have not much time left. She came over my place for some ridiculous trial version of photoshooting then i followed her back home afterthat which is just 5 mins away from my home. LOL! Will share with you our trial version of photoshooting. It came out with a weird concept, not everyone can figure out what is it trying to tell. (:

view from subway, AC
my company, Leen

Blame her for my swollen eyes, she don't allowed me to sleep till
we finished editing all those pics.

honey oat with turkey ham & turkey breast.
I shouldn't have it , can't help she craved for it. another day with failed diet plan ):
We both seached for guitar capo everywhere in music shop, wonder why most of the music shop didn't open that day. Finally found it in hkl, kota permai and we backed home happily and feeling satisfied (: Have been a long time since we spending time together, we didn't really share about our life or our matter but i'm felt nice and comfy spending time with her just by doing irrelevent stuff. At least we knew what're we thinking and facing currently without have to speak it out. I know she's having hard time now, hope that my company will makes her feel better afterall. Lucky me got to try homemade pan mee that day,her mom cooked good pan mee, seriously two thumbs up. She woke up at 4am to prepare the dough and etc, lotsa work for that.I started to miss it already. Sluurrpps!

Signning off,
fenn

Hiking sunday

2010-12-05T06:53:00.000-08:00

Went to hiking with this bitch today. Have not been to hiking for a long time, to be frank i never go up to the top before. But, today we made it!!!!!!! hulalala ♥! First time we hiking together, kept motivated each other not to give up all the way.

See how huge is it! our new frend :D

He's eric. Leen's friend studying in christchurch too

Hell no! Leen said we're looking similar now esp our body figure. I'm used to be the thinnest among them, how can ? sob sob* Really gotta put alot of effort in losing weight. When we were on the way down we met monkey queen attacked. It happened like that, an uncle wanted to snap picture of the monkey queen , he followed closer with his hp in order to capture a great picture of it. I was beside him enjoyed staring at the photography session. curiosity kills the cat, the queen turned opened it mouth and chased after the uncle. My heart skipped a beat , knee went weak and adrenaline rushed leading me ran without a direction,thought that it is coming over me. We stopped to see whether the uncle was alright. Unfortunately,he fell into the drain while escaping from the monkey.God bless, glad that he was alright. It might kills someone life. However, i enjoyed hiking with them (:
Signning off,♥

cheer! :D

2010-12-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

Elmo says: Hi! my master left me behind in kl ): i miss home!
wanna get myself a bear for x'mas (: friend for elmo. Lol!

November seemed like break-up season. Ridiculously, my close friends around me were involved in broke up issue. I'm sorry! Listening to their failed love stories really dragged me away to involve it in. I'm afraid to fall in love and feel seriously anooyed and angry that why are people keep hurting each other. I couldn't see them so weak and being so down and stucked in the old place. move on! There're still many things awaited us to do and more beautiful things in the future might happen. Happiness is in your hand, whether you wanna live happily that's your choice.I truly understand how hurt was it , I myself had experienced it before not once but many times. I grown up alot and learnt from the mistaken and hurt i had given. Nevertheless, that was already became the history of my life. Life still goes on nomatter how right? so babes, please be firm! I always believe that rainbow will appears after the storm somehow it takes time. Be patience alright! Being patience always bring good things in return, trust me :) I'm not a patience person but i'm learning to be. I wish december gonna be a great month, those who are in the relationship , wish you good luck and stay sweet while for those who're single life, enjoy it to the max and you might find a great and better one than before. It's time to reflect through out the year and set a resolutio for year 2011 . Will write about it soon, esp the most embrarrasing stuff i have done i don't mind to share. cheers! hiking hiking here i come.
signning off, fennie

more place to explore!

2010-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm so outdated man. I never know the existence of this place in penang ,Straits quay. It's located at tanjong tokong somewhere near islad plaza. Holy mama, mom's place is now a great plaza with foods and entertainments around. Straits quay has a beautiful scenery and sea breeze at outdoor. Shopping mall or you can call it entertainment center as it's not as big compare to others mall and food & beverages can be found there. A very nice location , so sad that i haven't have the chance to visit yet, just found it out today [: gotta visit maybe later? I'll tell you more about this place soon. Another thing, i bet everyone knows about opening of 1st avenue , a shopping mall with many brands which penang don't have before. To be frank i haven't visit yet. Realised that there's still many places in penang i have not been, have the nerve in me to explore all the beautiful places now. anyone? As so far i can see penang is developing to an awesome tourist area in malaysia. Proud to say i'm penangite! (:

straits quay.

Biggest x'mas tree in penang. this is what they said.

From now onwards..

2010-12-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

Today was just fine but my confident collapse to the ground slowly then it disintegrated once i met the receptionist girl in gym. I was there to ask about the membership,she used to praised nice body figure i had before further my studies in kl. I'm freaking down! She couldn't recognised me and stared at me for few seconds due to my putting on weight ): My mood seriously collapse! Thanks her for motivates me to lose weight and reminded me in fact i gained 4 kg! My appetite these days are freaking big until myself couldn't deny that i had binge eating disorder. Neither on diet nor losing weight come across my mind for 19 years. I never have to worry about putting on weight or being fat.Never have to worry i couldn't fix in those pretty dresses and blouses. Now, everything changed ,never have the thought of this might happen to me. I have to accept the bloody fact that i'm FAT! My current weight is the heaviest i have in my whole life, i'm not kidding. I'm guilty for gloat about ownself nice body figure for 19 years. Karma karma! now i know worry about how to get rid of unneccesary fats all the time doesn't feel good at all. I need motivation , i must resist temptation of foods. My target for the time being is to lose 4 kg before uni starts. Bless me babes ! (: No pain No gain!

Cookies, pancakes, ice creams are the 3 main things that i can't live without in my life. Bye bye all! eventhough they're simply irresistible ]": Will get back to u real soon when i maintain my desire weight. Had haircut and hair colour today. Thanks mom for the sponsor, it cost me around rm190 for hair colouring, cut and treatment. Urgghh, heartache a lil eventhough i'm not the one that pay it. I'm only good in burning my parent's pocket uh? My hair is short than before now, first time trying on the stylist not bad afterall.

Bye bye cookies! but i still wan gingerbreadman cookies for x'mas .

Ice cream is like a drug to me! How could i live without it? ]": It's the best medicine to cure emo-ness.

Bye Bye mcd's. eat more if u wanna be sexy like him in the picture.

pancakes is love! ):
Last but not least, bye chilis! you're on my mind and can't take my eyes off ya restaurant everytime i walked pass. Breakfast in subway, winter warmers, coffee bean , will always miss em. Hahaha! i sound so ridiculous i know, nonetheless u're won't understand how much i love eating. It's like live to eat not the other way round. Nicest papa in the world! :D i kept telling him how much i wanna eat lok lok in clp and complaint that my friends wouldn't want to go. He brought me all the way there and let me indulge with the foods that i craved for. shoo nais of him. still willing to drive me there eventhough he don't like lok lok. Love love!

speechless

2010-12-03T03:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it's time to face the ugly truth and tear the cover away! Whatever is it, read at your own risk! I'm don't care and don't give a shit damn thing. Just a place to express my thoughts , just something that couldn't leads to a change. So i should just stop giving hopes and expectations.

Signning off.

IBE

2010-12-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

Advertisement and brochures about IBE were everywhere along the street. It attracted me to pay a visit. Sis, aunt, cousin and I visited to the event together.Before headed to pisa,we had lunch in pelita . I skipped lunch due to i have date with friends for supper and dinner with dad. urrghh! starring at ppl with scrumptious food ain't feel good at all, but i'm trained for this not well trained yet. LOL! We were an early bird , got the hair nutrient cream as a free gift at the entrance. [: Goshh!! Not many booth like i expected but everything were pretty cheap there. we spent uncontrollably on new products. Signed up basic make up course at ss image as well, thanks sis for the treat , love. Not a huge expo but you can find all sort of your skin needs there. Most importantly it's freaking cheap man. We got viviho new launch cleanser, exofoliate cleanser & masks for RM99. You couldn't get that price after the expo , would be selling roughly at RM150-200. Dermal masks direct selling from korean 10 for RM10 ( crazy rite?!) Haven't try yet , will tell u how is it. Body scrub and masks 5 for rm75 and get 1 free. Every scrub are naturally made it smells superb! Giving nice and soft skin.Herbs and stone for massage Rm 35. It can be warmed by microwave oven or steam it. Help to relieve muscle pain , joint for or use for relaxing. Seaweed seed mask 3 for Rm15. Basic make up course that we signed up for 4 hours only at RM88. xiao kai, launched a new products called naruko, do not know hows the feedback i didn't purchase any of that somewhat you can get it in KBS.Xiao kai & viviho were there for talk and demo . He's handsome in reality but i'm not into celebrities nor them. I'm not kidding, real cheap stuff you can get there. You guys should pay a visit next expo .

Masks, scrubs & cleasers.

Oatmeal raisin

2010-12-01T06:28:00.000-08:00

One more month to go (: Hello december, the last month of 2010. I gonna blast it and make it the most beautiful yet memorable month. Hmm, i'm not completely lifeless at least i learnt to bake some cookies during 1st month of holiday and i joined jazz lesson with mom too. Oatmeal raisin was my 1st choice, i searched the recipe from internet. Well, 1st time was not bad at all. I evaluated myself 6/10, not really know how to control the heat for the first time apparently some turned out blacky a lil. LOL* For the first round the appearance of the cookies was totally fugly. After few times of trying ,it getting nicer, i mean it looked better :D Baked cookies for the first time in my life, suprisely it tasted way much better than i expected but just not crunchy enough. Sharing food is joy , i love cooking and baking for others. So, definately will have someone to try my baking. hek! Disappointment striked, the cookies ended up given away to other ppl , not the person i wanted to give at first. It's alright. Pictures above were the second try, i baked again for the sake to kill my boredom was the excuse, the truth is i wanna him to try. I rated 8/10 this time. Appearances got nicer still i couldn't figure out why ain't they crunchy? nonetheless i'm glad that it was successfully delivered to the right person. Try to bake your favourite cookie your own . Every bite is satisfaction. love !

Ingredients ( convert to kg if you don't have cup measure)
3/4 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 3/4 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins

Directions
1.Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

2.In large bowl, cream together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla until fluffy.

3. Stir together flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Gradually beat into butter mixture. Stir in oats and raisins. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.

4.Bake 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until golden brown.

5.Cool slightly, remove from sheet to wire rack. Cool completely.

2010-11-29T23:45:00.000-08:00

Have been spending lotsa time to dig out all the problems that made me upside down. The same scene repeated, I pondered and questioned myself did it worth so much ? I realised, till now i could not find a great answer for that, i could not be honest to myself and face it.Absolutely, didn't know what's the matter, am i the cause of the problems? I need strength to keep me walking, never look behind nomatter how. I tried hard to get you out from my life, frankly speaking, i'm just lying to myself and unable to accept the fact that you're just not belong to me. I do not know how much time you need, i have been waiting blindly from april or may and it's almost december already. The most warming month thru out the year, pls don break my heart anymore. Feel like spitting out all the words ,got so much so much to tell you, nonetheless i do not know where to start from. I'm getting exhausted day by day, do not know how long can i still stand but one thing i'm very sure about is my feeling towards you. What is the phobia in you? how can i diminish it and barrier between us that make us cannot be together? I wanna give up!! teach me how ): Loving someone doesn't mean you must be with him or her. I thought so at first, but couldn't be with the person you love is kinda painful inside. It's pain when you couldn't be with the person you love; it's also pain when you're with the person you love. What is life about?

Dear santa, it going to be the warmest month of the year. Do you hear my whispers? I need a big bear hug and cuddle from you [; xoxo

life is all about eating.

2010-11-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

Had a sudden crave of ice cream. i drove all the way alone to tesco to purchase it. holy mama, it isn't my all time favourite ice cream, however, ice cream from buds still taste good. I bought a big tub of strawberry flavour, wanted to go for ben& jerry but i'm too poor at that moment. I do not know ever since when eating became the best part of my life. I live to eat and i feel happy afterall. My mind filled with pictures of food all the time , i'm now known as a binge eater. Weight is always the main concern, i couldn't afford eat like nobody bussiness . The worse part and the most suffering part is when u're craving for something but you couldn't have it. I surrender, i couldn't make myself enemy with food , i'm ko in resisting the temptation of scrumptious food. Food are just so awesome man! Bare with me, topic that i'll talk about mostly are all about food. please don't mind to stop me when u feel bored when i'm start talking about food alright. I found that not everyone is like me; i eat whenever i feel up or down. I love scrumptious food not only for all occasion but daily life. I found my happiness just by eating. My cousin sister was too stressed out for her spm, i tried to relax her soul & mind by food, unfortunately this didn't work on her. I woke up everybody automactically to relieve my urge of eating. I went for food all by myself and i'm lovin it. No joke, i enjoy eating alone recently. I need thin-inspiration man! determination, motivation and whatever shit are lost in me for the time being.

yours sincere,
fennielovesfood.

elson's 20th

2010-11-29T08:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry i'm always late for all the post. It happened on the 22th november, celebrated elson's 20th in neway queensbay. Time flies like an arrow, we have been friend for like 13 years , i'm pleased that we could sustained our relationship & i'm still counting on it. Knew them since primary school, we were from different class but dancing brought us closer ,later then we form a gang of us. Had so much memories with them sweet & bitter , mostly is all about dancing (: Frankly, i had a sudden feeling for not attending his celebration that day, but we have to always keep our promise, being ffk by ppl ain't feel good at all, you know. Never regret going, it turned out quite fun tho. At first was a lil bit weird , most of them are couples and single like me had to walk alone and have noone to hold to. Hmmm, it doesn't sounds pity to me, just not the right time.

okkay, i seriously got no appetite to eat this. omfg!
Four of them were bestie since primary and they were known as F4. remember the group?Let me introduce them as they never appear in my blog before. from the left: elson, kok keong, siang & kit zai.

Thanks my cousin, siang for willing to drive me there. super duper lazy to drive that rainy day, thats why i had the sudden feeling not to go . & seriously i was stress about buffet too. LOL! i know i couldn't resist the temptation from scrumptious food. Somehow i managed to control my portion & type of food to eat quite well . applause *

elson & me with the ridiculous cake ;/

well he's my cousin. we became closer than before.

girls of the night. from left: peng rui , sandy ( she isn't from the same primary as us, she's elson's gf)

why is it a bear there? hmm.. it's not that he's special or what. the purpose of this cutie bear is to cover my big tummy. he said i look like pregnant. LOLL!

signning off,
fenniewithbreathlessheart.

Blur.

2010-11-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

I have so much to tell.
I have been waiting for his call.
but
I act like i'm carefree in fact i really care.
probably because i dunno how & where to start from.

Hold me tight or you'll lose it.

2010-11-23T01:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure whether am i a well organised person. I had the habit of planning everything in my life since i'm young, i hate living in a mess with no goals and direction. I plan almost everything like how & where to spend my time ( time is so precious, don let good things slip away), diet ( like what to eat for the day from morning to night ) & so on. I feel seriously lost without planning . Train yourself to be well-organised person at the same time trainning you how to twist ur brain to overcome failure when things go the other way round. Have so much to learn still, to be a better person with well personality & behaviour. I'm leo, according to horoscope, leo is always the one that lead, insist with what they want. Beside that, they're known to be ego and confident. Argurment might occur when there're two different opinions / point of view when you're with leo. What do you think? am i an ego person? an over confident one definately cannot be me. I admit, i'm sometimes hoping or want people to follow and accept what i had planned and my idea, it sounds so wrong even to myself . Not to be so ego & persist , i learnt to accept others' opinion , respect by asking for their opinions. If you don't even bother to make up your mind sorry you'll have to follow my plan. Thats me! I'm not trying to be evil, just can't resist to see carefree person which waiting and expect ppl to do everything for them. Be realist or be a dumb thats your choice. Pleased that i still have the simple theory with me : everybody has the right to raise up their voices & they have their own right to choose what they really want. So horoscope is not totally true, it depends (:

Too much spare time, viewing back pictures and i found the pictures below. It drawed me a picture back to the very first moment three of us had together.
Time flies like an arrow, feel like everything just happened yesterday in fact everything had gone so far. There's no return and yet i'm keep falling. siggh!

No start , No end .
Somehow i really wish i could place a fullstop in the never ending story.
My heart is seriously tired and vulnerable. You'll never know.

: Blame yourself for not cherish the chance you had given, blame yourself for let it slipped away.

yours sincerity,
fenniethevulnerableone.

To vanrys.

2010-11-23T00:51:00.000-08:00

Everybody wishes their 21st will be a memorable & great one, so do i. At that age u're officially an adult , unlock by your parents if they're strict on u. I had so much freedom since i'm young, apparently freedom isn't the thing that i demand for when i turn into 21st. Have you ever think, what u have done & what u have not been done yet thru all the years u're living in? If no, pls think about it. Learn from the mistake and keep going if u always fail in ur life; Failure doesn't mean anything. keep it on if u're having a great life all these years, can even make it more beautiful one (:

I wanted to give her a memorable one without spending too much as i'm broke for the month. Expensive present isn't always make someone happy but sincerity is the most precious one that not everyone can own it from ur friends. We wanted to have dinner with her, but her family come 1st. We planned to replace haagen's ice cream with cake , coincidently her parents brought her there after dinner. We ended up celebrated her birthday in segafredo with a last min purchased cake . Let pictures do the story telling (:

She is "her" .Vanrys (: with a handmade flowers from me.
Blindfolded her for cake & table decoration.

Tadaaah! That's my idea & lil suprise for her. Hope she loves it.
Elica gave her my last year birthday celebration as a hint.

Wanted to skype with edmund to celebrate together with us. Unfortunately my lappie didn't work well with the internet there. Strong, unbreakable sista-bond can be found btw me & her. From secondary to college and now i'm in university which brought us to a distance, i'm pleased that ntg changes us , we're still as good as before & cherish the present of each other. Happy birthday, vanrys. Nice having you in my life, in fact, u're a great friend. Love.

What am i to you?

2010-11-21T00:43:00.000-08:00

You always told me that you have something to tell and ended up you didn't. Giving me hopes and dreams like every other girls wish for. But you, never make it happens and took back all the hopes and dreams that you have given to me. You failed to tell me the truth even you wanted to, as so far i can see. I do not know whether am i wrong again, somewhat my feelings told me so. Disappointment you have given to me had made me numb and i started to get used to it, dare not have so much expectation to you or i should say cut down all the expectations as low as i could because i received disappointment all the time. I'm afraid putting high expectation on you would make me disappointed more.

Remember,the day we almost let it all our true feelings out? That time i was doing last sem in kl and you were doing coop in penang? I really almost believe and putting a lil bit more expectation on you that you might really tell me the truth this time. You told me, you wanted to repay me for what i have done and you seriously have smtg to tell when i'm back in penang for long holiday. Normal human being might gets excited and same to me brimming with anticipation to get my ass back to my so called home. Ended up disappointment flooded my life. Your promises had became empty. I dunno whether to believe or not.I felt so silly for believing you that you will actually have the guts to tell me the truth and what you kept in your heart for quite sometime. Conclusion made, u had proved to me you're still the same, letting me walking alone without you.

Negative thoughts hit me again these few days. I have the sudden thoughts of ending every connection between us. I never want to appear in ur life nor seeing u in my life anymore. It sounds so stupid ,childish and obviously i'm avoiding u or in the other words, i'm protecting myself from getting hurt by u. I do not know how long i could stand firmly in appearance , in fact my heart is so fragile and bleeding inside. I have to admit i'm vulnerable not as strong and as firm as you can see outside. I know i still couldn't give up for the time being somehow i believe " the end" will approaches in all problems.

Thanks for staying connected with me as i thought we would totally lost contact when u're doing coop. Miraculously. we stayed connected each day for few months. At least this showed me you still care a little, at least i feel better. Sometime,I wanted to tell u what's on my mind like i miss u and wanted to see u all those stuff but i'm being coward. Maybe becoz i knew what will be the respond from u,u might probably give me weird replies or giving me faces like why do u miss me? So, it's better not to tell and keep inside silently. Even we're so near apart but we don't see each other much , it seems no different even we're far apart. I miss feeling protected and care by someone special. apparently, the one i wanted so much doesn't belongs to me. No matter how hard i tried, no matter how much i sacrifice , it'll still never belongs to me. Just tell the the real ugly truth and let my heart be dead instead of making me hanging there. Eventually i'll give up. Life still goes on.

p/s: i doubt do u really putting down your past relationship?

appearance of rainbow after storms.

2010-11-20T23:48:00.000-08:00

What is the point making yourself so miserable for someone that doesn't know and cherish about what you have done before? I seriously don't know what he's thinking in his mind, as well what will be his next move.He is so unpredictable! Pictures of him, memories with him started accumulating ,at the same time forming a huge cloud in my nerves which made my nerve go so wrong and i barely can breath.

I thought my feelings toward him will be faded as we were far apart for 3 months, i thought we might lose contact since he seems doesn't care at all. My thoughts were wrong. Unfortunately,things ain't as simple as i thought and feelings do not faded away that easily. Meeting him up still turning me back into the old one who had heart beating fast, adrenaline rush , emotional changes after everytime i see him, apparently i'm still an idiot who is still so in love with him. Countless times of giving a try to him, stand up from the ground all by myself once he had hitting me to the ground and still my heart picks him.It still wants him to be the only one.

Countless times of having the thoughts of giving up of him, as you can see today i'm still stucked with him. I spent sometimes with my own, tearing away the hidden feelings and be honest with myself what am i doing on earth for these past 8 months, kept questioned does he worths so? Ridiculously, i didn't realise i have been stucked with him for 8 months. I seriously tired of playing guessing games with my own, i want him to play with me , tell me the truth no matter it's a good or a bad one. I just wanna know the truth from him ,his real feelings toward me. I just want him to be honest and stop riding me on roller coaster which make my life totally a mess.

I feel like crying my lungs out , hugging him tightly and speak to him that i'm not alright. He doesn't know how hard i had tried to catch his heart, he really doesn't know at all )': I have been stucked and being so in love with him for 8 months. I know 8 months are nothing, it's neither a short nor a long time but living in 8 months with an unanswered question from him is so miserable i could tell. Frankly,I'm exhausted! i'm tired of waiting for someone which doesn't know what i have done and how exactly i feel. I'm tired of pretend that i don't care infront of him but actually i care. He had left a deep scar on me , i simply just feel like destroy and damage all the memories between us or even our connection. Tell me what should i do, i'm feeling weak. Where is the rainbow in my life? I miss him .

The sis .

2010-11-05T02:49:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to the sis (: She's the only sibling i have in my life and i cherish her as much as i cherish my parents. I would say she's the best sis ever , it's really nice to have her . She has all the criteria to be a sis,i'm not joking. A way more mature thinking than i had , moreover she's really a strong and optimist woman.I can see she took all the challenges and gave it a try whatever she wanted bravely. She seriously taught me alot about life lesson without she herself knowing it, i used to be stubborn and immature kid that she complaint to my parents all the time. Frankly speaking i even used to place my friends before family but as i grown up i became mature , knowing how to solve difficulties in different circumstances, knowing more deeply & cleary about how important is family to us. For now and always, family is the only thing i cherish the most in my life and the position is irreplaceable. Environment factors and relationships made us more mature and stronger than we could be. We learnt life lesson, step forward firmly, be optimist together eventhough how fragile we are and hardly can accept the ugly truth of our parents. Today, we both made it [: To be a better person , prove to everyone else that nothing can change us, stop us for pursuing an outstanding future. I love talking to her, like really deep talk as we have lotsa common in us.

I bought her a nike watch , glad that she really loves it . I'm happy seeing it on her wrist all the time, this show me how much she appreaciate and loves it. She took half day leave on that they, i suggested secret recipe for cakes and coffee. Ended up it was on her treat (: Sounds so wrong for birthday girl, i apologised that i'm poor. We went to shopped for cookies ingredients & jog aftertat. We don't spend much time together ever since i'm away from home , i enjoyed spending time with her.

She had white chocolate macadamia & i had carrot cake

3/11

I baked oatmeal raisin cookies for the first time. Satisfied with the taste but it turned out a lil too soft and appearance were fugly (: But i'm happy for the outcome afterall. Was my first modern jazz dance in danz club as well, mom joined me for the dance. No doubt, she's still the young heart mother. giggle* i craved for dessert for the whole afternoon and kept asking her to suggest a place. Here we go tutti frutti in island plaza. She read my mind, i was about to tell her this. It's a new open frozen yogurt store with a self-service concept. everything is charge by weighing. Fucking expensive for the yogurt but it tastes perfectly. indulge urself with your favourite dessert will seriously make ur day ,trust me. It always work on me :D

Do i look like a cow with orange tongue?

2010-10-31T01:50:00.000-07:00

Hello sunday (: definately it seems better than yesterday which really so fucked up. i woke up by my mom , she had an appointment with lady orchid for hair do. Met her there for brunch and we went separate ways afterthat. I'm seriously lifeless somehow, i enjoy being lifeless nowadays. LOLL! still early and got nothing better else to do and i drive to fettes park for fun. Nice weather made me feel like wander around with no direction. it's awesome i can tell :D ended up myself in baskin for mango sorbet. non fat thats why :D shitt! i think i gained weight again. Have been eating alot and i enjoyed eating . Should i stop? or accept the bloody fact tat i'm heavier and fatter than before, continue eating like i really don care? Still i choose, be pretty & slim. Diet plan ON ): gotta go, mom's performing for the charity doctor's show tonight . i'm there to support and be the camera girl. see you!

* Nice weather but seem like nearer to dooms day .

halloween'10

2010-10-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

By looking at the picture above, u might probably know how suck my day was.

It's halloween, i bet most of u party like a rock star in the club tonight. I celebrated it very differently this year, with no party no liquors but spending time alone stoning in starbucks. Well, i admit i'm addicted into party and liquors. I have been party a lot back in KL, totally different like how i used to party in penang. I never get enough , seriously party so hard that i KO .Nothing change abt me is i'm still the person who always have a limit for myself. So, i'm satisfied once i got tipsy , never go further till drunk. Drunker is so not my type ;/ For me, making urself drunk is no different with torturing urself. LOL. I"m sorry drunkers, that's the fact. I had the worse saturday ever , in the other words this year halloween sucks! My life is so fucked up, seriously. I declined attending friend's birthday party, i couldn't join partying wif the rest ): u know, i'm like party to live now. It sounds so wrong! haha. I declined going out with jon. Ended up i'm driving with no direction and searching for a better place to chill.

Half eaten cajun chicken dome suckiest day ever but at least these did cheer me.
Dunno which nerve of mine goes wrong. I left to search for 24hours KFC at 12am after starbucks, unfortunately none of em were opened. I ended up myself in gurney drive eating cendol to chill. Okay, i eat to live, i eat to be happy. It always works on me anyway. Sorry i just can't stop saying fuck my life , fuck mylife! fuck saturday! you know wat, even the key is so not alright wif me. It splitted into two , me & mom stucked outside at the corridoor. Gonna make it a better day tomorrow . we see how :]

* I'm truly disappointed in you. i'm tired & i give up. Don't regret for not making the first move. Don't regret for not cherish the chance u had given. I don't wanna give a shit anymore.

Holiday ((:

2010-10-25T02:42:00.000-07:00

Hmm. i seriously feel like closing this site down, but thinking of this's the only place to express my words and see how stupid am i in the past. Eventhough it seems so dead, nobody would willing to spend their precious time to read how i spent my life nor my stupidest love stories i had came across. I made up my mind will let it be alive ((: Having 2 months holiday now, time flies like an arrow. I remembered the day i left home to further my studies, how i cried silently when i was on the way & missed my friends here like alot. I just feel like staying with em and in penang for the rest of my life. NONO! now i know, we need to move on to improve in order to have a better and outstanding future. I used to have a dream which is to stay in one place for the rest of my life. I'm different now, i changed. In my opinion, you would want to stay at a place for the rest of ur life probably coz u haven't found a better place than the one u dreamt for. There're more places in the world that we have not been to,more new ppl to meet, how could we decide to stay at a place for the rest of ur life so quickly? LOLL! skip that part, i just talk crap. :D

Oh well, let me conclude abt my love issues. I'm happy as who m i now and i enjoy being single to the max ((: Let it be, and i'm leaving it aside. I believe things happen for a reason. Be faithful and keep trying whenever u fail. Seriously, just by spending a day at home fb-ing all the time and i feel i'm soo lifeless. LOLL! should get my ass off do wat i should do and make a to -do list for this holiday. I gonna bake nice cookies , i gonna learnt guitar my own. i gonna earn some pocket money as i'm officialy broke now.
shytt, i'm still in party mode, never get enough. Should control myself and give a limit.

Happy birthday bebe

2010-09-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

Fuhhh!! finally, here is it! it took me like forever to upload this video. I have been taking sometime to complete this , although it doesn't turn up to be a great one but i hope you'll like it, a lil gift from me to you bebe ♥ Remember put on smiley face each day to face the world (: Well, it's not a touching one, instead of crying i hope u'll laugh ur ass off with my sacrification of stupidity to a great friend like you. NO doubt, it's always worth to sacrifice anything to you. Have a blast bebe. Happy 20th birthday . We're finally in "2" category. Somewhat i'm still counting on our friendship till we're in category of "10"? haha! i never want to live that long anyway. Hope u enjoy the 4 mins video. Love you.

p/s: I'll buy the same cake for ya when u're back in MAS. pecan butterscotch ♥ The one in video is given to my friend as a sweet treat (:

Your wifey, fennie

a worse change

2010-09-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

Have been neglected my blog for a while. My schedule is packed with activities and outing. I'm finally active in sports and clubs this sem. Well, this's what i should do & that's the real me. Regarding to previous post, i remembered i'm asking for things to go smoothly and not a change. My whisper to god had not been delivered .Apparently things got worse.Everything goes up and down and my life is totally messed up! It changes to a total new life which myself couldn't even believe and accept that this happened in real life. In fact,i could not pause it! How horrible ! Apart from that i have not been thinking about previous love matters , somewhat it hits me today again. Thats motivate me to blog about it. He doesn't seems care even i said someone had just confessed to me. Giving u hints saying that i'm tired putting alot of effort in a person but he never can know.Things just seem the way we want to be . It always goes the other way round. As usual he's like a baby boy which do not know about the hidden feelings. I ponder, does he really know nothing or he pretend to know nothing? Well, maybe that's the ugly truth or the answer u have given me for a long time. No matter how or what decision i made, it's still keep the hidden feelings deep inside my heart and the question remain unanswer. (:

Signning off,fen

Gushing out everything that stuck in my mind

2010-09-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

Holiday comes to the end , i'm back to the hectic town again. I hope i can still stand firmly and fight for next sem. Everything seems fine , i'm pleased that my apartment is cleaner than i expected (: Hopefully it is always clean like now. Attend the 1st biostats lab yesterday, it wasn't the first class as i skipped for the 1st week. To my knowledge about biostats is blank! I'm worse than i thought, class started at 1100A.m and i showed up at 11.30A.m . No doubt i read the timetable wrongly.

I'm super duper down that's why i'm motivated to blog.Gushing out everything that formed a cloud in my mind, maybe i feel better afterall. Frankly speaking the biggest influence is still him, still have troubles with the guy that makes me heart racing each time we meet. Love always makes someone lose their mind & sacrifice their stupidity to the loves one.That's the power of love i surrender. I know it's stupid to care 101% to a person that don't even care or know nothing about your feelings. To me , he's something precious that i wanted so much in my life, i could not give up and i may not give up. I have been told that go ahead if u think he's worth to put a lil effort on .Obviously he is , i answered this without have to think twice. I clearly know that hurt will be the only return from him.

It's not that i'm good in healing the wound i had caused , it's not that i'm a Ms. strong that treating hurt as a dessert . you will understand when you're falling deeply into someone and i bet you'll put effort in the relationship regardless of getting hurt. I'm really afraid of being hurt. If i say i expect nothing from you is a lie, somewhat i told myself not to put high expectation on you. Maybe that's the way to protect myself from getting hurt i guess. Listening to your heart breaking into pieces and still you can do nothing about it , it's so damn awful.

Apart from that,negative thoughts striked me, i'm afraid we might lose contact and pull our relationship apart. I'm feeling so unusual ,i'm afraid things might change. All i want is things remain & everything goes sweet and smoothly that's the only thing i demand for. When you're afraid of something or worried about something it usually will happens. pls don't, i beg! Just by your name appearing on my mobile i might putting on wide smile on my face for whole day long. I'm not joking. I will be like energetic and smile for no reason. It's like the key to the gateway of happiness. The key is with you all the time. When people tend to text you or ring you , this mean that you're on he/her mind.

sometimes, i ponder how important am i for him. I wish he could understand and know that he's the biggest influence to me. sadly, he never know. I wish that he could read all these and know all the stupid thoughts i had in my mind but i got no guts to give him the link. Howi f it turns nasty after reading my thoughts? I do not want to take the risk.

dear god, please let me feel like i'm being appreciated and being love by someone that i precious the most.

Signning off, fen

chocolate oh chocolate

2010-09-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

Indulge yourself with chocolate. Bought em from langkawi, i can tell it's freaking cheap. It becomes my daily needs now, a bite to satisfy my tam chiak mouth & of course not the whole bar i might die from obese. Have been spent a lot recently, kept buying my needs & i'm officially broke ! need more cash pls! Should really learn how to save. It seems like an impossible task for me T.T just like my diet plan. never success.
Another suprise from them. It is a belated birthday gift. Thank you so much, like what i said pls don get bored of this word ('= I realised i'm lucky than everyone else. I'm lucky to have em indeed. Suprise always make my day. Everybody loves suprise right? who don't?

1st movie with myself. I had a sudden idea to experience watching movie alone. It sounds lonely for watching movie alone right? That was what i thought too, but now i find it interesting (= Be brave to try and experience new things. I choosed comedy show - grows up. It's an awesome movie which makes u laugh your ass off. I usually don't buy any popcorn for movie suprisely, i bought it this time because nobody is gonna talk to me .Still the old fennie who never finish popcorn in her life. See see the ticket above. i got student price without showing student card. Hulala~ must be due to my nerdy look. i got eyes infection that's why i'm out wif spec to everywhere.

Bought the bottle for elica as what i promised her. Hope she loves it. I couldn't find any nicer ,this is the only 1L bottle which attracted me to brought it home.

Hello New sem. New me (:
Sleep early
Study hard , study smart
Play hard : i always do so!
Be active such as going gym and swim regularly.
On diet : the never success one. )
No more last minute lab reports & assignments.
Smile smile smile & smile even if u don't feel like smilling.
Be thankfulness and appreciate lil things.
Be myself! This is important.

Lets see how! it's just two months, i will bare with it and make it happens.

Hugs & Kisses, fen

If only you know that.

2010-09-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

I care.
I hurt.
&
I cry.

super duper down,
fen.

sticky sticky!

2010-08-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

Have been a long time since i read xiaxue's blog and i found this. STICKY!! It's a candy store in singapore but i'm not sure where is it located. How cute & awesome! You can even make ur name on the candy! This attracts me to blog abt it. haha! What amazed me is , it's handmade!

See see! cute right? It can be use as a gift for wedding, birthday / for fun. I wanna make one tho. Furthermore it's fun to put into ur mouth too. eat ur own name. :D

This is the colouring they used to make the colourful candy.

Not easy to make. Go read about it, if u wanna know more http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com

Signning off, fen

Roo's birthday

2010-08-31T02:37:00.000-07:00

From stranger that had few seconds eye contact with each other and now we had upgrade our status to friend. but he's special to me.He runs,swim,gym,futsal. Sports is part of his life. oh ya, DSLR is his bestfriend. he loves photography a lot and i can really see his improvement.I adore his determination, that's the part i always wanted to learn from him. He's like a clown sometimes, he jokes and we laugh. but sometimes i play his role to make us happy. A person who made my heart beating faster when i see him. I'm a person who always want my own way but he made me weak when i'm wif him. I'm feeling secure eventhough i should be feeling anxious at some situation. The only difficult task is to read his mind. I'm not his mind reader or i should say i failed to read his mind. I always wanted to know his feelings towards me , probably i want him to tell me the ugly truth so badly. Obviously, i'm coward that's why i'm still suffering here. okay okay. Talk about his birthday celebration. Eventhough he didn't show up on mine but i still wish that i could give him a memorable one. I celebrated for him 2 days earlier as i got to depart the day before his birthday. Have been planning and thinking how to suprise him. I'm a lil afraid that my piece of work would make him feel anooyed so i wouldn't dare to make it too special. Been to few places to look for dry fit for him. Finally i found it. I'm glad that he told me this's what he wanted for a long time. hulala~ anyway hope you really like it. Eventhough those can be purchased but i really placed my heart in it to suprise you. I enjoyed every moment with you (:

This is the cupcakes that i online ordered esp for him. It was my first time and i requested for ribbons and kangaroo. Kangaroo represents him. Cute,not? He drove me to collect this from the baker, i wouldn't wan to tell him what i'm actually collected. He was a lil shocked when he saw this.

My date on the thurs. Fuhh! you wouldn't know the feeling when i asking him to be my date. My heart beating fast, had butterflies in my stomach & i need 101% courage to date him! It was terrified. LOL! i was like errr. err den he asked why. i said nothing. (': Luckily i have guts to speak out afterall. It was also my first time to date a guy like that. how embarrassing.

I'm a lil disappointed in you. I pretended to be don't know but the truth is that i knew that you have been thinking about your ex when u were with me that day. Manila place. switch. lovely lace? I know those places had the sweet memories of you & her. Frankly i'm sad. I wanted to replace the memories with ours but i failed. Happy birthday once again! Love love.

signning off, fen

Their vacation to penang

2010-08-31T02:05:00.000-07:00

Our love to our own state had influence others to pay a visit. M always share about such a lovely place penang with them and finally they made it to here (= Hope you guys enjoyed 4 days 3 nights here & i would like to apologise for not being able to tour guide u guys around. Penang is a place to fill your stomach with scrumptious food & relax your soul at the beach. A really awesome place compare to hectic life in KL. Sorry i'm not saying KL isn't good but really hectic compare to island. I was born in penang of course i'm proud to be penangite. We had dessert in swensen after scrumptious hawker food as dinner. Tried 10 flavours in a night. slurrpps! Being with them are both blessing & curse, they would torture you with their jokes & silly actions. I always laugh until lack of oxygen in my brain.

They had BBQ in ronnie's place. I have been invited. Dad kept nagging for my present as it's kinda far away from my place. I couldn't afford to break promise so i insisted to go. Don't overpromise when you really can't make it. I promised to attend somehow i will be there.

We cannot resist the temptation of food.

Signning off, fen

Mine 20th

2010-08-31T00:26:00.000-07:00

Hey there. Hows everyone? Hope that you guys are doing great.Sorry i have been neglected my blog for a while. Have been to busy with hang out & all. I'm sorry again for the late post. It's all about my sexay 20th birthday. Thanks guys for everything, the presents, celebrations and your precious time for planning for these for me. I'm touched and i really had a blast. I'll try to recap what had happen that day (; enjoy peeps! I woke up early to fullfilled my stomach with the lovely breakfast that i have been craving for a long time. It was my first time there for the breakfast. I wanted to try it since study break, what is hilarious is i online checked the menu in the middle of the night and noted down what i wanna eat. LOL. I told mr.A about this , he kept laughing wif my planning abt food. Woke up on time the next morning , brimming with anticipation to try out break-o-day. oh well, it's the name of the set :) Unfortunately disappointment striked me, i was too early to be there coffee bean was close. No give up, finally i tasted it on my birthday.

Came back from breakfast , sis called, she wanted to have lunch. So, as a sista i accompanied here and i suggest to lunch in sam garden.I pushed my diet plan away , eat whatever i want. Haha! that's the best part. Mr.A called & i smiled. Went to boutique alone to shop for dress for my own, it reminded me of having sweet time there with bebe & yumie. I miss that moment )=

Pat bought me an almond choco cake. Eventhough i have to self service to light up the cake,LOL somehow, thanks alot & to daddy too. He sang for me .lovelove. Dad wanted to bring me to dinner , unfortunately i had hang out wif friends. Vanrys drove me to autocity & we decided to dine-in nandos. Mr.A couldn't joined us , but how i wished he could come coz i really wanna celebrate with him , eventhough i know it's just a birthday, not important/ special occasion. Oh yea, they suprised me with a rose. Have been a long time since i received flower. sweet one ppl .loves.

Our second destination was to haagen dasz, ma all time fav. Unfortunately, they wouldn't allow us to bring cakes from else where. No choice, we changed to coffee bean. Again, still thought that he would appears mayb just for sometime, obviously he didn't show up. Disappointment striked me , i shouldn't expect he would come. Frankly i was down for a moment but i'm totally alright afterthat.

I know i have been saying thank you for so many times , please don't get bored of it coz i really appreciated what had you guys done for me. See the parcel below? Well, it made my heart beating fast and nervous when i got this. I didn't know who's the sender & the present had been wrapping with so many layers as you can see below. I couldn't be patience to open it slowly , i just tear it! Hahha! Hmm. miraculously, this is form my sis's admirer. He knew that i missed out of the mcd's worldcup collection, and now i have a complete set. thank you mr Ooi (=

Huhaa! i have been waiting this for so long time. Finally i received it :) It's a card all the way from my bebe in christchurch. How sweet. The content sounded a bit lesbo. giggling* but i'm lovin it. Her sciencetist handwritting made me miss her more. See the picture on the card? That 2 girls resembled me and her. Thank you bebe! i really happy and love it so much!

Pinky & violet bottle is from Ms.Elica . Love love. I'm touched. She had not much money left wif her still she insisted to present me this. sweet of her . I promise i will always use it, drink as much as water as i can. Love you.

signing off, Fen

mix feelings with mix contents

2010-08-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

camwhore when boredom strikes :]

The feeling is still there but it's hidden behind its cover. I afraid it might turns nasty when the cover has been teared off. That's the reason i choose to hide it deep inside that noone else could see. I had mix feeling, this morning. Don't know what's wrong with me. I'm currently running out of time, holidays plan are well planned & packed. Somehow, i need more time for myself . I realised i have not been rest or sleep well since months ago. Have been playing too much , finally i know the defination of exhausted. Seriously, i need more rest. I don wanna be a dead fish! Few more days left and gonna back to hectic town again. Which means the war has begin. It is a must to do well in next sem. I'm kinda regret to screw up my final last sem, eventhough i seem like putting lotsa effort in it , in fact these are all last min work definately not gonna turn up to be good. I have learnt to live with low expectation, i know human always demand for more but do you guys know that sometimes living with lower expectation and you may find you'll be happier than before.

You'll tend to cherish tiny things & miraculously it will make ur day. The more you demand / expect from someone else, the probability of getting hurt & disappointed are always high. I'm right that you didn't know there is a deep cut in my heart. I wasn't joking with you when i said yes u bring me to the top of the world and sometimes hit me to the ground. Still i prefered to say i'm just kidding afterall. I don't blame u for the cut as i said i'm the one that caused the hurt. I mean who don't get hurt when you wanted to be with him/her so much but he don't belongs to u? It might be a lil changes next sem, you wouldn't be there , no more studying in library, no more old town every single night with our mr & mrs books. No more breakfast every morning during exam period. sigghh. Thinking in the other way maybe it's a great time for me to get use to the life without him here and maybe it helps to fade the feelings away. Not easy, once i have lil interested in u, the feelings are always there.

Best gift that i ever had

2010-08-23T00:52:00.000-07:00

I can say this is the best present i ever had in my life. It not only makes me smile & tears at the sametime, most importantly it makes me feel loved .When i'm being hitted to the ground & barely stand up she'll always there to give me a hand and leads me back to the right pathway. Nevertheless, i feel comfy being with her and she's the girl who always make me share my thoughts, troubles that i have faced with her. I don feel shameful for crying like an ugly duckling infront of her or feeling shameful to share my stupid thoughts with her.A good friend of mine that i cherish the most no matter where she is. We're currently thousand miles away from each other but i feel we're always connected. I'm lucky indeed to have her, a special gift from god which colour up my life :) Friends are everywhere but the one who are in ur shoe that understand you the most & there for you when storm occurs, think who is the one? From the bottom of my heart i can easily say she's the one. I hope i'm the one for u too :D

I remember i'm not that close with her as we're from different class form 3? definately, i know this girl is exist. haha! Her name joleen, seems familiar to me , but it isn't inside my heart nor important for me that time. Our relationship getting closer as we went to the same tuition for most of the subjects & sitting right beside each other. From that time onwards, sitting beside her in tuition class is a necessary. Her silly funny stupid actions always make u laugh till u barely can breath. oh yeah, beware of her, i wonder why she just loves to whack me that much. She feels good ,happy after seeing the red marks that she caused on ur hand. That's her ! The next year, god brought us even closer by placing us in the same class. Obviously, our friendship's bond had upgraded from vaan de waal forces to covalent bond. It becames stronger than before. Her confident is the thing that i adore,the most cause i don have one. She's the one who try her best in everything she do , pay more & don demand for the return.Thats the best part of her. I see myself in her. (X Now, whenever her name joleen appears, it could makes my smile . It still seems familiar but it's important and always remain inside my heart ;)

Oh, back to the video, i would like to share it here to you guys. & i utterly hope that, you guys will cherish everyone around you like what she did to me. Her creativity, her hardwork , her sincerity , her love gave me the best 20th . She have given me more things that are so precious . Besides that, it's always not for sale cause she do it with her heart. I have been crying & laughing at the sametime while watching this video. she have done a great job. Don't u think she looks awesome in it? comment and click like on fb to support and gain back her confident that she used to has. I miss her more now & i hope that she's right beside me )': 3 months more, and i'm counting down bebe. i just can't wait for it .

With Love,
Fenn.

H.B milkos ♥

2010-08-20T00:35:00.000-07:00

Birthday shoutout: Happy sweet 21st milky.milkos ♥
You're out of teenage group . haah!

I'm so sorry i couldn't make it for the celebration. I really wanted to rush back to pg after 2 killer papers but unfortunately time doesn't seems to be right. So ended up i stayed for another day hoping that i could celebrate with u the next day. No oftens u're still a busy lil woman that don't have the time for me to meet u up , anyway i hope you love the cupcakes above. It's simple & isn't an expensive present that u got from your friends but i can say it fills wif love & warm in it. " Eat it & you'll feel the love " hopefully you feel it (=

Story behinds the cupcakes: I went to midvalley to search smtg for the birthday girl , but got no idea what to get as she has everything she wanted. An idea striked me, which is the sweet treats above. Too bad, there isn't any cupcakes chic store at midvalley. In order to do smtg for her, i woke up early in the morning the next day , after breakfast with mr.A , i packed my stuff and headed to train station by taxi. I carried the big luggage like a tourist , taking train all the way to pavilion just to get the cupcakes & rushed back to bus station again. It's kinda boring & tired to carry the heavy luggage but thinking of to suprise her with the lovely treat motivated me to do so (=

Planned to suprise her & have lunch with her but we couldn't make it . sad one. No more idea how to suprise her, so i sent the cupcakes to her mom at home. Hope u love it pretty milk ♥ & i knew you had a blast!

Laugh, Cry, Fight & Share, we had gone thru. Friends will always remain , not just by leaving footsteps in our heart . I cherish & nothing will break our friendship's bond. It will always strong like a covalent bond till the last breath. I'm lucky indeed to be part of the moo.co . I'm happy to be part of u guys ;) Hugs & kisses! Once agen, Happy Birthday Ee !

No More Exam!

2010-08-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

Hanging smiley face on my face & finally i can say No More Killer papers!! (=
My brain is currently filled with holidays plans ! It's time to relax,2 weeks holidays ,I gonna rock you & make it beautiful before going back to hectic town . Exam weeks are always too stress, i'm a lil out of temper when i'm back at home for studies weeks. no worry, i'm a girl who always trying different ways to make myself happy & relieve ;) Just by eating the pie above i feel the happiness :) I realise eating breakfast everyday really make my day esp with ur love ones. My new quote: eating yummy food to kick start ur lovely day!

I love eating breakfast eventhough i'm kinda lazy to get up at times but thinking of yummy breakfast which are really tempting plus hunger motivates me to eat .What is imp is that I feel loved after eating. haha. well, i'm a food lover as u can see , no longer shopaholic who rather buy pretty dresses & blouse than eating. Nice food and beverages always come first for now :) No joke, the shephard pie above in starbucks made me forgot about my exam for a moment. *giggling. It fills with mash potatoes on top & black pepper chicken below. I tried it while waiting for Mr.A to drive me back to K.L, bought him caramel machioto ice as a sweet treat too .

2 papers on the same day really kill me. I'm run out of time as i wasted too much time on some irrelevant stuff. I have the feelings that i'm not doing well in this sem, a pretty bad sign but anyway at least i tried and i did put a lil effort in it, not much i know. Have been studying days & nights with him for few days continuosly then lovely breakfast every morning together . It makes me feel like a daily routine , in fact it's not. anyway i enjoyed studying & eating with him eventhough i'm a lil bit not fine after the next min as negative thoughts hit me.

Last but not least, special thanks to one of my friend, he suprised with orange & white chocolates from langkawi. :) not really close with him but we did speak few times. Anyway,thanks & i appreciated.

I'm in love ♥

2010-08-13T23:26:00.000-07:00

By looking at the title above, i'm pretty sure it attracts ppl to read. It isn't an empty title which is unrelated to the post, indeed, i'm in love. I never know i'm in love wif him till i realise i started to care every single thing he had done. I never know i might fall for him as i never have the sign of interest towards him. He was a stranger to me / a person that doesn't have the ability to influence my life. Frankly, he caught my attention at the first sight & we had eye contact for few seconds.

The world is small, i didn't know he's the guy who my previous roommate kept mentioning all the time & suprisely he's from penang too. Due to my roommate's connection to him, we're getting closer then got to know each other after few outings. In the blind of eye, our friendship bond had established for about 6 months, if i'm not wrong. Till one day, i ponder why i suddenly show an interest towards him & the feelings ain't the same as the one i usually had before.

He started to has the ability to influence me in lil things, i smile for bumped into him, i smile when his name appears in my mobile phone,i smile & brimming with anticipation to hang out with him & disappointed to the max when he couldn't make it at times. i started to notice lil things about him, be his reminder, remember lil things / nonsense about him, getting down and wonder why he didn't even contact me, felt secure being with him & share my thoughts, happiness & even sadness w/ht care what he thinks about me. From that day onwards i'm pretty sure i'm unconditionally fallen in love with him.

Unfortunately, timing doesn't seems to be right , lucky star & cupid doesn't shoot an love arrow towards him. Indeed, i'm unlucky )': By replacing the negative thoughts with the positive one, i always told myself, it's okay at least he's still single & it takes time for him to 4get about his past and reopen his heart again. I took him as a gift from god that i cherish the most. Eventhough i'm incapable to walk into his heart but i hope at least i could leave a footstep & sweet memories in it.

Love is always the biggest influence in my life. It hits me to the ground whenever i fail till i barely can breath & it brings me to top of the world when i'm being loved. I miss the feeling of being at the top of the world. I miss the feeling being loved and cuddling with someone i love & cherish the most. I miss the warm release by chemical equation of love. I have been thinking should I keep holding on / just give up for what i really wanted so much. I'm brave enough to tell him my true feelings towards him. You wouldn't know how i feel that night, i remember every single word that i said & i keep it in my mind till now.

Frankly i lied, i wasn't alright at all. i lied to you & force myself to tell you that " it's okay, u wouldn't have to make any decision & you can just forget about it". you can never know the feelings, it was like 100kg of heavy metals pressed on my heart. I choosed to say this is probably because i knew what the answer gonna be from you & i wouldn't want to hear it personally as it mights hurt me badly. By looking you from behind, i always tell myself that u're the one that i wanted so much with broken heart inside. I hope things don't turn nasty & always go smoothly as i expected. Seriously, i can't afford to get hurt anymore, i know i have to bare with the pain that i had caused no matter what . still lost of direction , hoping for miracles to happen . I believe it's exist.

It's tuesday

2010-08-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

The fugly version of me :) Look so young right? In fact i'm really still young. haha! anyway how do u think abt my new hairstyle. seriously it makes me feel so fat.
Here are the disadvantages & advantages for having fringe.
Advantages :
1) Look pretty young :) & some ppl was like,
are u from secondary? hmm. good thing uh?
2) It covers ur eyebrown if u don't like urs. haha!
lame advantage i know. but i'm okay with mine.
3) make u looks more like daddy & mummy's lil girl . lovelove♥.
Disadvantages:
1) Look superb CHUBBY!! * mirror mirror on the wall
who's the chubbiest person in the world.
2)face turned 1cm bigger, Mr.A said. )':

I guess 3 Vs 2. couldn't think of any. * brain rusts. tehee.

Have not been really sleep 5-6 days due to final exam. Body systems turned into old machine, i hope it could bare with me till final. No choice, exam always come first than health during finals.
Frankly, i don think i put enough effort this sem, wondering what can i do to get back those study mood & wills that i used to have. I seriously need to score well & maintain cgpa i suppose! Dad is working so hard for us ,somehow i should work harder for myself and him. Exam papers with flying colors show everything. 2 more papers to go, last min study really kill.

Kai lu & I looked exhausted.
Thanks to john for willing to drive us to ss15 for snowflakes after 2 killer papers. It was a lil bit disappointed with my taroball series toppping 4 that day,i wonder why, but anyway i'm still appreciate for his ride. To show appreciation i gave him a pack of snack before i left for pg the next day! :D In fact i'm actually killing him rather than showing appreciation.

Forgot the name of the drink. fresh tea of something.it tastes really fresh indeed.

Xoxo: hugs & kisses ♥

amazing study week.

2010-08-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

Study week that really kill my brain cells off turned into amazing holidays (= but i tell ya, enjoying during exam week u would really need to pay it back by putting extra effort & struggling with ur books whole day long which really make u stress to the MAX!
Thanks to lovely friends and i utterly enjoyed it & i believe more outings after my finals :)Love august is always the best in12 months,isn't not becoz i borned on that month but it's a time that gather all of us as most of them came back to the place where we origin. Heeeh! Lets talk about my night outing with bunch of friends below. After long day in gurney, we headed to sunset bistro to meet the rest, gasper & friends. Edmund was brimming with anticipation as he missed that place pretty much. Hah! XD and me , try my best to cherish every moment even i'm totally exhausted that time. Oh yea, Ms.milkos & chee boon met us there too. Nothing much really to talk about & i have fun.

Picked up Ed, xuns & jennyfer and we headed to our all time fav lovely banana leaf in new world park. I'm glad it still tasted that great (: Guys should really try it out! It is an indian cuisine, a restaurant named passion of kerapa. They served all kind of indian cuisine with affordable price Banana leaf with fried fish are always my first choice.

we went for SALT. Mummy joined us along

I'm sorry vergil )': ur head is missing. oh yeah! he's currently not
available anymore . congratz!
shouting your lungs out session. I didn't really sing but keep walking on sofa. haha

Couldn't stand wif the length of my fringe anymore. & w/h thinking twice , i decided to cut it off in extreme when meeting mummy in art craft store. I can feel my heart beating in a faster rate then break into pieces when it was chopped off )': Seriously, my face turned into so chubby the next second & i was like OMFG i'm so FAT!
fat + ugly ----> fugly.
I'm the product of the chemical equation. Fugly! T.T
I'm sorry. it's sweet & short post. Hope u guys enjoy reading . lovelove

Ms.E's 20th

2010-08-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

31st july.

Finally i have time to blog about it. Well, it's a late post. I'm back to penang for study week and of course met up bunch of lovely friends that make my day we planned all these things the day before . Suprisely, 7 of us showed up for her, we do really appreaciate and still couting on our friendship after so long time, i can tell they are friends that so called friends.Besides family, the best part of my life is to have them. It has been a long time since we gather together, we are in different pathway to achieve our dreams and goals . Environment factors physically change us but chemical bond of friendship that connected since young is still strong like always. (=

Have a Blast! happy 20th Ms.E

Thinking of the design of the cake made our head crack! Finally we came out with this for her. BigMaMa! Hee! Mama of the moo.co

Pictures of 7 of us ain't with me, but will get em from Milk asap =)

Holding on

2010-08-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

I'm still keep holding on.

Stunning at this page. thousands of words keep spinning in my brain. lots to write but seriously there are too much to share until i do not know how to express it out. anyway, what do you think abt my header ? (= Heee! it's my name on it. showing i should love myself more than everyone else.

Life is up and down like a seesaw. I'm currently put alot of effort in order to forget something that i shouldn't have any hope on . Sigh, it is about love matter agen. I knew and i believe like every other girls out there that it is smtg so magical that can make you feel like you're the most happier girl in the world when you're being loved. nevertheless it is actually a killing weapon that deeply cut into you when u failed. I did trying hard not to believe anymore. It seriously made me lost my mind, directions and cause a deep cut to myself,which really influence me alot. Yet, i'm still no different from them, i couldn't turn myself into a miss strong / miss realist . I still choose to believe in love and hoping i'm being loved. Love can still spring at the unpleasant moment. I guess everyone heard abt this. unfortunately, i'm not that lucky in my love life anymore. Timing doesn't seems to be right, or i should say i have fallen in love at the wrong time )=

I wonder how long would it takes to heal the hurt that i had caused. Living each day with heartache is so not alright. Putting on smiley faces on your face to tell ppl don't worry you're fine , but you're actually not. I'm tired of all this. I lost all the directions & i don't know what should i do next. Tried to give up, but isn't an easy task. Tried to stay away, images kept floating in my mind. Kept myself busy so that i could stop thinking abt it, in fact it's still always in my mind. I'm still holding in tightly, how could i let go? Give me a hints pls, tell me what to do.

Back!

2010-08-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

It's still in progress! Still worth writting afterall. stay tuned (:

it's 3 am now .

2010-02-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

Settled down and everything goes smoothly as what i expected. Suprisely, i found someone to hang out with me 24/7 like i used to have in penang (: Life in here is still stress free compare to during A-level days which really kill my ass- off. I'm no longer home sick and i can live without em for now.Gym, swim and pool oftens here. no comment i'm still noob in pool. XD I'm becaming monster as 3 meals per day ain't enough for me. I had 5 meals per day =.= The final results are i'm getting fatter, rounder and heavier. urghh! this's scary enough but i really can't stop myself from eating and i can't survive without food. i had supper almost everyday with mr. C , MCD 2-3 times per week.. thank you for feeding me into a gigantic monster. LOL.